ANZAC day... its university holiday... how gd is tt? but no... i got MCQ exam and IMM assignment due this friday. thou i've finished my IMM assignment but i exceed the word limit. i've started studying for it SLOWLY... really damn slow... tts total 17 lectures to study, i've done 4, another 2 this whole afternoon ONLY! still left with 11 more!!! how to finish by tml???? anxiety become overwhelming. start thinking useless stuffs like i shuld hav start during easter week holi, shuld study faster n not so slowly, not all the stuffs will be gg into my head anw. after tt come to console myself saying tt it holi, i shuld be enjoying my life, study is jus one part of life. nonetheless, i still so stubborn n go thru everything slowly, when exam is ard the corner, i den panic n start focusing more so tt i can finish alot of stuffs in a short period of time! it always happen!~ even i noe this will be the outcome! haiz... Y i'm so stress abt studies? y cant i jus relax? Y m i so contridicting? Y cant i focus even thou i'm stress???? Y Y Y? serious mental prob... arrghh... it all in my mind...
thx to the 'stress' n 'trying to focus but nth comes out' ... i went thru all the photos n letters n cards n songs n memories abt my whole life... simply looking back into the past... i realised alot of stuffs tt had happened in my life... all the ppl, friends n family... n ming ming of coz... all the photos... i really look at each in details n all the memories came into my mind... really felt as if i was back then, the tings we did... places we went... things tt u've said to me... etc... everything... n my family... the photos n my bday card they sent to me... every single words they wrote... my dad, mum n my 2 bros!~ they are so touching... how i wish my dog can write too? haha... i noe im lucky to hav them... but stupid me will not express it out by saying "I love u" etc... words dun mean anythin to me anymore... im not 'expressive' nonetheless, i still feel it deep down in my heart... but my facial expression, actions n words might not reflect how i really feel. its like it is only exist when im alone, subconciously but no matter wat... it is not a concious thingy anymore... subconciously i will bottom up things... until today... its kinda overwhelming... mixed feelings jus came up... happy, sad, touch, disappointment, content, eager, dissatisfaction etc etc... u noe at certain pt of time, everything tt is happening is expected, tt is it... life is like tt... u do this u get this, dun do tt u dun get this, so u mus do this... everything is planned n controlled... there is no surprises... no reward no nth... jus do things blindly. i dun understand myself anymore... not sure abt the things i felt... how ppl see me may not be the person i m inside me... in my mind i can jus tink on n on n on n on n on.. no conclusion, after every tots, im back to normal again... nth hav changed.
after pouring everything out, it jus an useless blog abt my tots tt is nth but tots. sorry dar... i noe i mus hav filled my mind with sch work n my life here... sorry for being not 'expressive'... but at some pt of time i still feel sth.. sth might but strong now but might not be as strong back then... my mind controls over my feelings inside n lots more tings tt i duno how to deal with... nonetheless im still the same ok? see ya later... haha... n worry abt my exam later...
y m i so confusing? how i wish there is 2 me, another one can see me from outside n tell the inside me wat i can do. something is missing...
wish upon a star atWednesday, April 25, 2007.Wednesday, April 25, 2007
today the friday 13th... bad start of the day... woke up at 1.30pm... was watching 1 Litre of tears, very nice and touching show... EVERY episodes will make u cry i tell u... haha... coz time limit, i din finish it all, after episode 6th i browse thru the rest so tt i roughly noe wats the story abt n watched the last episode... damn sad la... haha... so tts the reason y i slept at 5am~ but tts not so bad at all... its the stupid man in the post office. damn him... feel like scoldin him. i sending sth home but i forgot my current address so was waiting for me frens to come... damn him la... say some sacrastic stuffs and almost wrote on my parcel to "CHINA"! stupid asshole! i told him it STATED THERE to SINGAPORE. damn him... make my blood boil!
cannot let the kind of ppl spoil my mood. phew... but its almost 6pm now n i hvnt start to do my assignments! i have 1)seminar essay 2)scientific paper critique 2)immnology assignment 3)lab logbook 4)immunology tutorial 5)core modules revision 6) human pathology assignment! some due 2 weeks after holi some mid may... i'll be so busy when sch re open! haiz~~~~~~~
oh oh... n i'm gg to learn driving here soon! been considering for it for so long. duno how can i convert it to sg licence but my main purpose is to get a driving licence!!!! damn sg traffic police dun pass me! but got 1 pro is i've been learning manual car... here i will learn autocar so in sg i might be gg for autocar licence but i've learnt manual ever since! is it a waste? haiz... anw i cant find a manual car to learn so jus stick to auto, easier to pass anw :) ya... trying to encourage myself... bleh!:p
oh, not forgetting to update my 'wonderful' easter week holiday in melbourne... 1st few days jus slack at hm... watched tones of movies!~ even TMNT~ haha... stay over at my fren's apartment, has been eating out alot~ krispy creme for donuts!~ koko black for chocolate indulgence!~ Chilli padi for hainanase chicken rice!~ (no so nice as sg thou) Changi village for fried kuay teow!~ (super duper spicy but nice!) and also ice cream!!! yeah... went to town twice this week. shoppin!~ bought some new tops 2 only actually... tts not enuff~ :( anw, i'm quite happy to bought 2 boots for $75~ the sign wrote ' BUY 1 GET 1 (50% off - in a smaller front) i tot is 1 for 1! who knows i already chosen 2 she say its 2nd pair 50% off! So... tts y i got 2 pairs in the end. haha... tts from factory outlet shop! haha end of the day chill out with my frens along yarra river? its near train station but cant really see the river thou... haha but we had lots of fun taking photos there... jus the 3 gers... taking photos like nobody busniess.. haha.. damn funny... rch hm around 10plus... called ming, my mum n joanne... haha, duno y i'm so happy tt i talked alot... really alot as compared with the usual me... oh well... mb coz my holi is ending soon? haha... by 1am plus i watched show til 5am... den i went to slp... haha...
stupid me... end up im still feeling tired n headache now... haiz... still no strength to do sch work! OMG... haiz... it sucks n sometimes fun to live here... oh well... i guess tts life... i have to live with it... anw at the end of the week its not tt bad... haha... hav to tidy up n prepare (mentally. haha!) for sch work le... update again! :)(:
wish upon a star atFriday, April 13, 2007.Friday, April 13, 2007
finally two of my tests and seminar are over! yeah~~~ i mean seminar conducted by me, with other team mates as well. im in holiday mood already~ haha... in sg gd friday like nth its only 1 day holi... BUT here... i got a week! coz of Easter week holiday! hehe.. i'm gg to shopping! i need clothes! warm and long sleeve clothes! its getting cold nowadays... its kinda difficult to study here... as in lots of stuffs from lectures, and assignments, debate and mini lab project! alot of due dates for assignments and i hvnt even started any~ but in some way it is easy as no distraction! tts nth much to do here... no tv... haha. but we have our own friday night movies! i misses karaoke! haiz... feel so restricted~ tink i will hunt for one this easter week~
my family coming over to find me this nov! with ming ming! i miss them alot! tts once, i was jus buying some groceries one nite n my mum called! it was an unexpected call, after which i felt so homesick out of sudden. i seldom tink of tt, duno y suddenly got such a strong feeling... anw... they are gg to attend my graduation~ hehe n my dad planning to go tas too. cant wait for all that to happen~ haha... but still gotta study for these few months, hope i can make it thru *cross finger* i'm aiming for distinction, which is 70% and above for 2 core and 2 electives. but LESS LIKELY to be doing honors. LESS LIKELY OK? haha... i jus wan to get it over n done with. after which come back sg n work! since i planning to stop at degree, as well aim for higher? BUT... tt will make me stress n i hvnt no confidence in doing it. anw, the worst will be a credit. which i heard from seniors it will be easy as they wun fail us in uni. So.... haha...
i actually felt quite tired now... was planning to take a nap but i jus finish my lunch~ dun dare to slp so soon coz i scare i will grow fat! haha... so my mind kinda blank now? haha...
i tink i will hav more to update after easter week! sch stuffs r jus boring! :)(:
wish upon a star atWednesday, April 04, 2007.Wednesday, April 04, 2007