i think i need a break... my life has been so hectic since i came back... no moments of relax at all... even thou i go out with frens for a few times for bday celebration... but still no mood...
i have reason for it... im not complaining abt how boring n dreadful me life is... its really been tough for me since i knew the news... until now i still not quite sure how to handle...
last week.. every weekdays... woke up at 6am... give my brothers morning call... prepare breakfast... prepare them for their school before i went back to sleep again... den woke up at 9.30am... preparing myself to go to work... ate alone at the kpt near my hse... took train to outram... worked at SGH as traffic surveyor... its not a glamorous job... have to wear tt constructor yellow reflective light vest... handed with sheets of paper n clicker... stand n sit under the hot sun n sometimes rain... sometimes got shelter... what we did is counting the no. of different vehicles or taking down car plate no. everyday nv fail to have passerby talking to us n ask where we r doing... cars passing by looking at us... esp buses... everyone will be looking at us... wth... anw... the only fun part is talking to frens while working... frens who i dun normally talk... think what say what... quite enjoyable thou...
at the end of the work... i'm sweaty and sticky... felt so uncomfortable... tts not the end of the day yet... i need to go buy dinner... twice i hav to go maxwell market... once at the chinatown temp. market... yea.. n i was alone... tts once... i walked from outram to chinatown... shopped myself... n walked back to outram to buy dinner to da bao to hospital...
sometimes my mum was there... sometimes she went home 1st... been seeing my dad everyday... talked to him as well... noe it has been very hard for him... he said he is in pain since july... i wish to help in any ways... tts y i've been busy doing house chores n run errand... he better i guess... not tt lethargic... still can joke ard... but cant speak much... get out of breathe easily... n the needles... it has been very painful... he changed hand twice already. n i always din get the chance to speak to the doctors... they always come early in the mrn like 7.30am... wish to catch them one of these days...
i noe i shuldnt be complaining abt my life now... its my responsibility to help ard... i wish to n i wanted to... jus tt it hasn't been the life i tot i would have or i din even tot of... i never did so much be4... i've been like a part time mother... nagging my bro to get up... iron clothes... endless clothes seriously... cant finish one... washing dishes... cooking... yea... cooking... clean here n there... its really taking up alot of time to do all these even thou it might sound alittle... recently, i jus realised tt i need to help my brothers too... normally mom will be ard to look after their sch work n life... guess now is my turn... im learning to think like mom now...
n my bro n i jus went to the wet market this mrn... yes.. wet market... bought fishes n meat... n aso sheng song to buy other necessaries stuffs like tissue box, washing powder etc...
i dun hav time of my own... i din have any chance to jus sit down n watch tv as n when i wan... not even time or mood to do the times i want... there are so many places i wan to go n do... simply facial, manicure or shopping... by the time i reach home its late n tired... been looking for jobs... but i need time to consider n edit my resume... even meeting up with frens... its harder for me to find the chance... n after all, i hav no mood... i looked so serious n dead... i dun wanted to... but for all the things tt is happening... its hard for me not too... i might be giving myself too much stress... give me time... till i get the hang of it ok? i cant be bother to explain myself anymore... whenever ppl ask me what i have been doing? slacking ard izzit? gg out with bf ar? etc etc... i hate it man... guess its hard for ppl to understand... i gg to said it once n serious... tt i really busy coz family matters... if they still dun understand... forget it... not worth explaining myself anyway...
i always not in gd mood... felt very fan... n my temper not gd too... i dun mean to... sometimes i ok still can play ard n joke... but for the smallest ting on earth agitated me... i pissed off real fast n sian tiao all the way... its normal to expect the most understanding person to be the closest people ard me... i'm lacking the feeling of understanding... i wish to have listening ears... even if it is jus a slightest complain... at least give me a feedback to make me feel better or at least make me feel comfort... guess its hard to achieve... partly im a stubborn person too...
nvm... i'll be the person... every chance can make me stronger... at the same time weaker... coz now i'm real hostile n bad tempered person now...
nonetheless... thanks ming for accom n helped me... hang in there with me k?
i wish things will be fine... i wish my dad can get well soon... tts the most impt thing tt i would expect now... but meanwhile... other den my mom... i'm the nx person for the rest of my family member to rely on... i'm learning to take the responsibility too...
wish upon a star atSaturday, January 19, 2008.Saturday, January 19, 2008