its been ages since i last blogged. haha. currently feeling pek cek coz i cant connect my hp to my com using the usb. keep saying its not recognized~! arghh!
anw, lots of things have been gg thru my mind recently... finally see the true colour of my own life... its been pathetic... its all started on last sat... ok 1st of all, fri nite was my 1st time working alone from 5pm to 8pm... yah... additional 3 hrs consider night shift at my work plc. anw, i worked till quite late! no time for me to key forms. parents came n wait for me n went for dinner tgt... nx mrn still got call back on sat... only den i found out i did sth wrongly on fri nite! :( things not gg well tt day during work... i was slow n blur... oh oh!!! in the mrn i still purposely woke up early to go for work to finish my work... who knows~~~ my pants zip spoiled while i was already outside! luckily my dad drove me to work tt day. hav to go to ys hse n borrow her skirt! how embarressing!
ok... heres the part... after work suppose to go out n have fun rite? but prob is... wif who? called yf, he said they suppose to be gg out since mrn n i was thinking of joining them after work... who knows they changed plans n i only found it out after my work... ok nvm... perhaps i'll just go to town alone n walk walk 1st... ming is booking out at 1pm... time really sucks... i really gonna say this... i hate to be alone. always thought it will alright to go out alone some times... but it has been for quite some time tt i've been walking alone... i really need some1 to be wif... to talk to n complain or laugh abt sth, anything!! but no one to share with at times when i really need it... i called some frens... but all r busy with their own life... i felt like an intruder... i felt like i dun belong in any place... imagination ran wild when i'm taking the train heading to a plc alone... i started to think alot alot alot... feelings tt i cant bottom up anymore... i called ming like a million times but he jus din pick up. for tt moment i felt completely alone.
finally he called me when he has already rched home n unpack all his stuffs. i know i shuldn't but i jus broke down on the phone... i was alone at orchard rd tt time... he said he will get to me asap n i just continue to walk... i felt much better after i let it all out n tried to get myself tgt again. as i walk i tried to think for an aim before the feeling of alone over take me again... went to look for a new pants as the skirt is kinda big for me. i was really hungry while waiting for him to come... while heck care i jus head into a korean cuisine restaurant... the waiter ask if i was alone n i smiled n said yes to him. finally got seated after 10mins. before i knew it i was eating a set meal with rice, 4 side dishes, a soup n milk tea all by myself.. ming only came like 15mins later...
i've realized i have not been socializing with people recently... i noe it was coming... i've tried contacting but everyone is just busy with their own life... i really felt like an intruder n dare not asked further... if it meant sth, they will get back to me... i started to envy others... those who have some1 to call out to... some1 they noe they will be there for them... like ming got mark... i've told ming i will wan to have time for my frens as well... i'm not those sticky type gf tt only hang out with bf, i would very much likes to hav frens to hang out with... heres the chance but i hav no one to share wif... so whats the point. i told him... i dun wan to rely entirely on him but looks like i only got him to rely on now... its foolish for me to say such a thing but i really felt empty sometimes... i'll just hav to do sth to make myself feels better, using every reason i could think of to console myself tt it is not as bad as i tot... things just dun work out the way tt i wan tts all... i'll just hav to stick with what i have now... mb i should start socializing with new frens... i'm too comfortable in my own zone tt i really closing myself to others outside... hav been working for like 8mths now... but only starts getting to know my working colleagues better recently... i tink the biggest prob is myself... i shut myself off from anything outside... i'll just have to thicken up my face skin n start to deal with things in my life again...
after all im thankful for my family... my dad is getting better n almost as gd as before... he has more appetite now n jokes alot more too... can see he is enjoying his life better too... every small things meant a lot now den before... family r after all the most reliable and i'm grateful to have such a wonderful one in my life... happy bday mum! :)
wish upon a star atTuesday, October 28, 2008.Tuesday, October 28, 2008