yAnLiN

2009-10-12T20:32:00.002+08:00

how do you define success? what does success means to you? in life, relationship, friends, families, work, dreams etc. is it becoz i felt disappointed in some areas tts y i put all my hopes in myself, my future... the scholarship... i now tts not it. it took my quite some time to get over the rejection. i know i have to keep trying, in one way or another.

just when i'm feeling sucks at what i'm gg thru, other people might be at worse state den me. financially i cant say mine is bad, just that mb oversea studies is really out of qn w/o scholarship. when i used to think that it comes so easy but now i just have to be grateful. i cannot deny that my definition of success is money and to have a success career. i won't call my current job a career. it gets boring sometimes. i have to re adjust my thinking, re setting my goals. recently feeling quite down. gets negative feelings easy. felt neglected and unappreciated. i know my social life sucks, and its getting worse n worse. i duno how to talk to people. lost the ability to communicate and socialise. i'm living in my own mind. i need to clear my mind and tots. i wanna open up but alot of stuffs just shut me down. feels like there are many knots in my brain. very fed up and annoying. i wanna be carefree n have fun again....

tml will be a better day....................

2009-09-17T23:17:00.002+08:00

some brief updates: MC (again) on tue n wed due to flu, sore throat and cold sore... practically slack at home, did some tidy up and thinking... abt past, now and then. haha... make a new spect (hope its not on impulse coz the one i'm using now is not spoilt thou)

today had a very bad start of the day, i quarrelled. not verbally but tensionally if you know what i meant. if you just see the things tt happened, its just a small matter... but for me is about attitude. i cannot stand ppl who are ignorant, who do the things they feel like it w/o considering other ppl feelings... for this kind of ppl i wun get face one, even it is just a small matter. one action really turns me off n i take it coz i dun wan to lose my temper... but i cannot tahan when i told my dad what happened... the things he say makes me tears from my hse to work plc... from his illness, to his relationship with his siblings, abt how he control his temper not to vent anger at families due to work stress, says home is a shelter where ppl will express their true feelings, abt teenager duno how to manage their time and piorities etc etc...

i did not voice out doesn't mean i'm free from stress and trouble... i always smile and joke ard doesn't mean i duno how is it like to feel stress and pressured by whatever the society or 'true' world is... the main reason is i dun wan me parents to worry for me... i take care of my own business n not whine about how pathetic my life is when i'm feeling down... but unfortunately (for me), they care more about those who are 'weak' and tense to give in too much tt they take it for granted... thats their teaching style, if it happens to me... i wun get a damn... they have to face it themselves and not vent it on families... why should i give in when tt person dun respect me as elderly... so as an elderly i'll teach them the cruel meaning of 'true' life... there is so much things i wan to talk back when my dad told me about all the meaning of life... but i just sit there and keep silence... i dun wish to worsen his worry... or misunderstood if there is any... for my parents'sake, i take it... frankly, i felt neglect by them. is it tt i dun cause any trouble they think less abt me? or they dun hav any hopes on me coz i'm a girl. finish uni, working now... done. their job is done. i'm on my own now... no need to say i still got 2 younger bro... who are still studying n still have a future they have to look after... but neither do they give me the pressure of 'taking' care of their future...

i'm grateful to the small actions thou... tt my dad will drive me to work some times, today he came to fetch me when i worked till 8pm (while he had sth to do in town). he bought me ferrero rochers to cheer me up due to mrn incident. what i wan to voice out is tt... i have my own problems and desires in life... i wan them to feel proud tt i'm doing fine on my own tt they dun have to worry for me and not jus thinking abt how well spoon fed with all the things in life tt that have given me.

i just received a call tis aftern tt i'm shortlisted for the interview for the scholarship! i'm thrilled. i'll just have to prepare for the interview... hope i wun blew this chance away... i really kinda put all my hope in it... its like my future is in tt scholarship, whether or not i'm able to futher my education (or increase my pay cheaque ;P) is in it... *finger crossed*

2009-09-13T00:05:00.002+08:00

i should be slping by now... coz im working tml... yes! tml is sunday n i have to work!! haiz... the only thing tt i would want to work on sun is the double pay... but sadly i have to work on christmas day which is a paid public holiday so that is no double pay but hours off only. arghh...

anw... recently i've been thinking abt my life... whats nx? time passes so fast... been working for 1 yr n 7 mths. catch up with some frens during monash alumni dinner n i keep thinking abt what others r doing... what im doing n what i will be doing for the rest of my life... although we graduated with the same course, some took different route... most of us work in lab. one took up management level, he seems to be doing gd as he is climbing up the ladder already... but i look at my situation... nah... long way in my job man... felt like im kinda stuck. i felt its not enough... i wanted more... thinking abt the gd life i wan but if i stay in my current situation its hard to achieve. there is no sense of achivement from my current job too... i'm just like a factory worker. been wanting to get away n do sth else... if i were to change lab... lets see... there is a lot of research labs which requires molecular skills... but in my lab what i've been learning n doing is mainly microb stuffs... which sadly is not very much practice in other labs... now tt my skills r very limited...

further studies... is what i really want to.... but financially is difficult... to think back the time when i jus graduated. i wanted to further too... n to see those of my frens who r doing their further studies now... i envy them.... but the time when i graduated sth happened to my family that makes me drop the idea of gg back to studies... now that i thinking of what i want to do with my life, i would still want to further my studies... but now that i understand their situation, i cannot make myself for them to pay for my sch fees again... somemore i still got my study loan to pay for.... hai............ courses r very limited in sg... n private uni... r not that 'safe' to me anymore... just applied for oversea scholarship but its been almost 3 weeks n thats no news................... what else can i do????? been looking online on the courses that are available the whole night........ n thinking what i want to do.... but there are so many limitation...... what can i do..... just what can i do...

2009-08-24T22:32:00.002+08:00

i only came to blog when i felt extreme feelings... where i duno where to turn to i will come to here. who cares anw... i just want to vent it out loud.

now i'm feeling very frustrated! just like any other boring day of my life... its mon as usual 1st day of the week... go to work n stuff... but i woke up with right swollen eye. its swelling n my veins r red... i tried to reduce the swelling by applying cloth with hot water... it still not getting any better... so i decided to take urgent leave to see doc. its 6.45am so i decided to send sms to my supervisor 1st. i tired to call at 7.15am but his hp off so i went back to slp at 7am n woke up 8am to make sure he gets my msg. its replied with an 'ok'. went back to slp again n woke up at 9am to see doc. when the clinic jus open, the doc havent even seen the 1st patient of the day i'm already 23rd on the list. so i went back home n ta bao breakfast back.

finally 11am i went to see doc. the swelling not as serious as compared to this mrn. the doc say its eye infection. n the doc confirm with me tt i had cold sore too. say my immune system gg down need to rest more drink more water n stuff... its common n not serious thou.. but he gave me 2 days of MC...

since the swelling gets better in the day so i tot of gg back to work tml... thou i'm temped to take 2 Days since tts what he gave me... after lunch n ate the drowsiness med i went to slp... my mum woke me up at 4.30pm saying my grandma called tt my supervisor said i did not tell him how many days of MC i'm taking... still feeling weak n tired due to the med i called him n tell him i'm taking 2 days. he said i should have told him earlier. qns me what time i go see doc n y i din call him earlier. i said i was slping. he say nx time muz tell him earlier. WTH... i'm still thinking of gg back to work tml if i gets better by tonight ma... since he wan an ans i've to tell ya its 2 days since tts what the doc gave me... ok fine... my bad den...

den at night my grandma called again in nag me abt the whole story... AGAIN! saying i should have call earlier so tt they can arrange ppl to do my job, must say one cannot last min bah bah bah... ... it goes on n on n on n on n on n on.................... i get really fed up u noe. I'm still thinking of gg back to work but on the other hand they thinks tt i'm irresponsible of my job!!!!! i keep arguing with her. but i state my point she states hers!!! no point talking man.... y do i have to explain myself when they dun even care~~ i thinking to myself if wed i go back n gave the MC my supervisor gave me the say lecture again... i duno how i will react... coz i jus cant take the blame for nth... i really duno what can happen if i argue back... just pray tt he wun ask...

tts what i hate abt been the small fish in a company... we r like at the lower rank... ppl jus keep asking for results n when things dun go well we r for them to blame... no wonder nobody likes him... but yet we have to appear nice so as not to leave bad impression... at the end of my work i keep thinking to myself this is not the life i wan for the rest of my working life...

i wan to further my education n get better job... i went for the career fair during weekends. fill up some forms from various health care company regarding application for scholarship / sponsorship. hear there is one on going n the actually ask ppl down for interview. i just applied n i hope i will get comfirmation soon. *cross fingers*

2009-01-28T22:15:00.004+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!

nth much this yr... din really celebrate cny for like 3 yrs... due to some unfortunate event. kinda like lost the mood liao. only visited my mother side grandma's hse and gathering at my father side cousin's hse. what else to do beside playing cards and mahjong? haha...

today is chu san, many ppl still gg to bai nian... but i went home after work... boring! msged some of my frens hoping there is some gathering soon. i need to have some life after work man...

new yr resolution... 1st thing tt comes to my mind... i want to drive by myself w/o any fears and guidance beside me. haha! i'm so ashame to say tt it has been almost a yr after i got my license =( planning to go out every weekends (hopefully) with my family to practice my driving... haha... so must think of a place to go every weekend... hope i can keep up with tt... i just drove myself to work today! with my father by my side of coz... haha... my bro fell aslp in the car... tts gd rite? meaning my driving very smooth? haha... it kinda makes me feel better thou... haha.

i might want to straighten my hair soon... its so troublesome to mantain curly hair... my hair is so dry if i dun apply anything...

suddenly, at this moment i feel like gg picnic. haha! how nice to lie on big greeny grass n strain my eyes under evening sun... :)

2008-11-02T13:31:00.002+08:00

a week has passed. weekdays r working life for me, woke up at 6.15am... preparing to work, took pasir ris train at 7.10am or 7.20am, depends on my walking timing, start working at 8.05am, push the trolley from CPA to An02 and IV lab, come back n cover which ever bench is empty... do routine work... if got time den go for tea break at 10.45am... come back and wait for specimens to come... after doing my own bench work, will start looking ard to see who ever needs help... most of the time help them to key forms... until 1pm, go for lunch break. 2pm come back n continue working.. 4plus is the busiest as tts when we hav to rush all the work so tt we can end work on time at 5pm. finally after rushing, look ard for any unfinish work. time to wash hands and head to my locker to take my bag. imagine i did this every working day... i cant imagining im gg to do this for my life... its definately not the ''career'' i wan in future... probaby nov mth will be slightly different as im moving to the nx lab... while tt means sth new to learn which is gd... i suppose to have moved on last mth but due to insufficent of staff, i stayed in CPA for another 1 mth.

ok, weekdays... i msged some frens on fri but either late reply or no reply at all... no one bothers to plan and go out... while at least with me... nvm... i got to find my own plans anw... ming has already planned to go JB with his guys frens. i worked on sat til 1pm... was told to meet at town but i went back all the way back to wlds to meet yf, the rest has juz woke up only... went to cwp n had lunch at mos burger, its really long time since i had meal and chatted with fren like tt... n i really missed it. saw mr siva... haha, the 1st ting he said is abt his hair... really makes me laugh like mad! anw, the rest or still preparing and we planned to head town soon as i got to attend my cousin's bday celebration at 6pm at jalan rindu... picked zf up at admiralty and head to town to meet up with the rest and looked for bday presents... its so hard to look for presents, esp last min one... finally helped my parents and bought a espirt watch, and i got her body shop perfume sprays and 2009 organizer at taka... they got perfume for their fren as well...

sunday mrn... woke up and start looking for informations on further studies... i wanted to do some thing on my free time... either do some communities work or further studies... its so hard to find graduate study in sg... esp with an overseas deg... the requirements or either local uni deg or at least hons 2nd upper... n its all full time course. gave up looking at local gov uni... as for private like SMU or SIM... most of the courses r business course!! the only closest i found is Masters of Social Work.... haha! i m considering it... its only weekends course too. but i just missed the registeration date by 2 days for jan intake!! nvm... i guess i will work for 2 yrs be4 further studies... another 1 yr for me to hunt for courses~ :)

2008-10-28T00:39:00.003+08:00

its been ages since i last blogged. haha. currently feeling pek cek coz i cant connect my hp to my com using the usb. keep saying its not recognized~! arghh!

anw, lots of things have been gg thru my mind recently... finally see the true colour of my own life... its been pathetic... its all started on last sat... ok 1st of all, fri nite was my 1st time working alone from 5pm to 8pm... yah... additional 3 hrs consider night shift at my work plc. anw, i worked till quite late! no time for me to key forms. parents came n wait for me n went for dinner tgt... nx mrn still got call back on sat... only den i found out i did sth wrongly on fri nite! :( things not gg well tt day during work... i was slow n blur... oh oh!!! in the mrn i still purposely woke up early to go for work to finish my work... who knows~~~ my pants zip spoiled while i was already outside! luckily my dad drove me to work tt day. hav to go to ys hse n borrow her skirt! how embarressing!

ok... heres the part... after work suppose to go out n have fun rite? but prob is... wif who? called yf, he said they suppose to be gg out since mrn n i was thinking of joining them after work... who knows they changed plans n i only found it out after my work... ok nvm... perhaps i'll just go to town alone n walk walk 1st... ming is booking out at 1pm... time really sucks... i really gonna say this... i hate to be alone. always thought it will alright to go out alone some times... but it has been for quite some time tt i've been walking alone... i really need some1 to be wif... to talk to n complain or laugh abt sth, anything!! but no one to share with at times when i really need it... i called some frens... but all r busy with their own life... i felt like an intruder... i felt like i dun belong in any place... imagination ran wild when i'm taking the train heading to a plc alone... i started to think alot alot alot... feelings tt i cant bottom up anymore... i called ming like a million times but he jus din pick up. for tt moment i felt completely alone.

finally he called me when he has already rched home n unpack all his stuffs. i know i shuldn't but i jus broke down on the phone... i was alone at orchard rd tt time... he said he will get to me asap n i just continue to walk... i felt much better after i let it all out n tried to get myself tgt again. as i walk i tried to think for an aim before the feeling of alone over take me again... went to look for a new pants as the skirt is kinda big for me. i was really hungry while waiting for him to come... while heck care i jus head into a korean cuisine restaurant... the waiter ask if i was alone n i smiled n said yes to him. finally got seated after 10mins. before i knew it i was eating a set meal with rice, 4 side dishes, a soup n milk tea all by myself.. ming only came like 15mins later...

i've realized i have not been socializing with people recently... i noe it was coming... i've tried contacting but everyone is just busy with their own life... i really felt like an intruder n dare not asked further... if it meant sth, they will get back to me... i started to envy others... those who have some1 to call out to... some1 they noe they will be there for them... like ming got mark... i've told ming i will wan to have time for my frens as well... i'm not those sticky type gf tt only hang out with bf, i would very much likes to hav frens to hang out with... heres the chance but i hav no one to share wif... so whats the point. i told him... i dun wan to rely entirely on him but looks like i only got him to rely on now... its foolish for me to say such a thing but i really felt empty sometimes... i'll just hav to do sth to make myself feels better, using every reason i could think of to console myself tt it is not as bad as i tot... things just dun work out the way tt i wan tts all... i'll just hav to stick with what i have now... mb i should start socializing with new frens... i'm too comfortable in my own zone tt i really closing myself to others outside... hav been working for like 8mths now... but only starts getting to know my working colleagues better recently... i tink the biggest prob is myself... i shut myself off from anything outside... i'll just have to thicken up my face skin n start to deal with things in my life again...

after all im thankful for my family... my dad is getting better n almost as gd as before... he has more appetite now n jokes alot more too... can see he is enjoying his life better too... every small things meant a lot now den before... family r after all the most reliable and i'm grateful to have such a wonderful one in my life... happy bday mum! :)

2008-05-30T00:18:00.002+08:00

another day has passed...

went for shopping with my mum after work!!! hehe... long time din spend time shoppin with my mum since i'm back from aussie... plus she seldom leave the hse when my dad at home... anw... quality time spent... we spent 4 hrs shopping within wisma and taka only... haha. went to forever21... think the clothes there dun suit me, even S is too big for me~~ give up man... nonetheless, i bought a pair of gorgeous white slip on at PAZZION~ they r havin big sale man~~ 30 to 50% discount~~~ got mine at $41.50. its the last pair~ luckily not the display one... its so hard for me to find shoes of my size... size 34 only comes in 1 pair per design... i saw another pair of black heels, its gorgeous too!!~~ but guess i'll seldom wear it to work... so i hav to let there one go... :( ... i saw one very very similar one at C&K... at a slightly lower price but of coz not tt comfortable, n guess what... dun have my size... -_-|||.. guess its better tt way too... control my buying... hehe... have been finding excuse to buy dress... haha... said it is for my cousin's ROM... but cant find one... end up bought a top from hula & co... its sale everywhere man... haha... so shiok~ but have to control... saw a bag there too.. thinking of gg back to get it with the $5 of discount... hehe...

after tt accom my mum to look for my dad's wear... he'll be gg back to work officially.. haha tts wat my mum said... haha... officially... i just hope he can stay healthy while gg back to work... sure have certain level of stress... tink my mum will take very gd care of him... anw, rest of the nite i'm accoming my mum to look for her clothes till taka closes at 9.30pm!! haha... we walked pass those branded shops... window shopping... wondering when can i get my very own branded bag... hahaha!

we chatted all the way... talking abt how i feel at work n thinking of further studies... abt my bro n cousins... etc etc... really quality time spent :)

time to slp~ gotta get ready for bed n call ming~ hehehehe~

:)(:

2008-05-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

it feels so gd to be back in sg again... haha! sudden have tt kind of feeling... life is so much better in sg den aussie... was doing a little thinking while i was bathing just now... was lost in thoughts in my own world.. i've thought thru lots of things... been thinking how i wan my future to be...

back to the ground... sex and the city is so nice!~ it makes the movie money worth while. haha... met ming, fel n gene at amk hub... went to the cheapest jap set meal place for dinner... its really cheap i shuld say... but the food is so so ok ok only... what more can expect from tt price range... but got free flow of green tea~ haha... anw... watched sex and the city with fel n gene... yes... the 3 of us only. haha~ ming went hm early to celebrate his mum's bday.... the show is great! thou i din watch the drama series... but it did show a few mins of flashback for each character... its full of brands and fancy dresses... like it is so easy to get~ haha... who dun wish to have tt kind of luxury life? aww... how i wonder... haha!

money factor... how to save up man? have been spending my money... last mth esp. din really buy anything for myself... have been spending on bdays and mother's day presents... worse still... GSS is here... since i'm working ive been thinking of spending more den what i used to to make myself feel happy... there's endless things on my buy list! awww... how i wish i can afford anything i want.... haha! the tots makes me what to find some job tt can earn big bucks! but where to find man... thinking abt my job now... do i really want to work in the lab for the rest of my 'career' life? its challenging thou... alot of memory work... do i enjoy doing it every 8hrs of the day of my everyday life? sometimes i would prefer human contact... like helping and have direct contacts with patients etc etc... but u noe.... great power comes with great responsibilities... haha! oh... n i saw a masters course opening~~~~ was thinking of trying it even thou i think its damn hard to get it... 1st its sg, 2nd its under the division of graduate of medical studies... duh~ it sounded so chiam already!!! to get into the course is one thing, to get the scholarship for tt is another... fat hope i guess~ was thinkin of trying scholarships since i still got my study loans to pay off for the next 4 yrs!!! it really cost alot for my parents to afford overseas studies~ its all abt money!!! how am i gonna repay them? shuld i keep moving on with this job or further studies to get a 'better' paying job? haiz... im still working on tt... it comes to... what i want to see myself to be in the future... sometimes i feel like trying out n not following play safe route... hello~ i'm 21 yrs old liao!~ ppl say time will pass very fast from this age to 30s... OMG~ im old... much older den my look~ haha!!! i still so short n small in size~ hahaha!

tell me what to do man... i still wanna enjoy now n for the rest of my life...

back to ground again... its 12.14am... time to slp... or else i'll be tired at work again...

-_- ||| *yawns* haiz....

2008-05-06T23:53:00.002+08:00

i had a splendid week last week i shuld say... spent every bits of time fruitfully... haha!

mon met xueni for dinner at marina sq, waraku...

tue met felicia for dinner at cwp, sakae...

wed met joanne... to buy soofen's bday present..

thur labour day! i drove to cwp with my parents... parking is really scary esp. in shoppin mall carpark!

fri met joanne, soofen, liwang n bf, peihuan and yen ping... bday celebration for soofen n yenping... nice catching up with soofen esp as well as joanne for the past 2 days.. haha...

weekends slpet till i song den woke up... cant rem wat i did on sat... probably slacking ard at hm :P... sun went to look for presents... yes presentS... lots of frens bday tis month as well as mothers day! planning to buy SKII products for my mum~ think i'm gonna burn a hole in my wallet liao... no shoppin for me this month :( n we finally went to bedok jetty... hehe... basically he cycle me there coz we took the double one... n i din peddle much... haha... took taxi home n tt uncle go by longer way!!! very angry sia... if only i knew the way...

its really nice to catch up with frens once in awhile... esp. in this 'adult life' where everyone is busy with their own daily routine life... or perhaps only me n my routine work... :( but i'm lookin fwd for more tts coming up... :)

half of this week i've already spent time with xueni on mon as her model... haha... long story but i hope i've really helped her coz i felt those photos of me r not very nice... :( n tue looking for bday presents again... finally got 1 tick off the list... n 3 more to go... :( n spent not so enjoyable night as we quarrel over bad mood cum attitude stuffs... hope it will just wear off with time... too tense for us to explain ourselves... i hav mine to say n u hav urs... mb its really hard for both of us to convey ourselves at the same time... i really cant give in at such a situation at that time... neither do u can u? u might sound as thou its really hard for u to lift up ur head but its the understanding i wan to hear from u... im sorry tt i can't talk to u as nice as u r trying to be... as i said, u might as well ignore me at tt time coz no matter what i say is not nice to ur ears... but eventually... we r even off when u slam the door on my elbow accidentally rite?? haha... probably both of us r tired after work n not as much time spent tgt? well prepare for more man as some1 is gg to be botak soon! n we'll hav to settle our trip soon~ lets plan tgt k?

:)(:

2008-04-17T23:37:00.002+08:00

looks like i dun have much time to blog! haha...

gd news~ i passed my TP test!! i just passed! 3 ticks --> 6+4+8 = 18! haha~ but still i passed... one i admitted wrong... i recognized the wrong road... didn't keep left... my view: coz left lane eventually turn left, as no instruction given is go straight... therefore i stay on the right lane. TP view: coz the road is very long, i shuld keep left 1st den change to right lane when no instruction given... he explained to me about this mistake very seriously... i tot he is gg to fail me! HAHA!

ytd night after dinner... put on the P plate n off the road with my parents n ming ming in the car. hehe... car park road really very narrow... i nearly scratch the wall! so to avoid it... i mounted kerb! haha... still trying to get the hang of my dad's car... its a 7 seater... the mirror convex... the vehicle behind looks so small... luckily not many car at night... still dare to change lane, if its heavy traffic i will panic! sent ming ming home.. haha! my dad's so cool... he sat beside me... didn't stress me... didn't even tell me what to do... he even said 'actually if u go faster can beat the red light' haha!!~ n my mum is like so scare... making all sorts of noise... haha! i'm so nervous... but ming said it was smooth... hehe... come to parking i really sweat sia... dad don't give me instruction, just ask me to try out myself... haha. after numbers of correction i managed to park it straight! haha... think i need lots more practice... still no confidence to drive alone. hehe...

working can be tired and lifeless at times... gd to have friends to talk ard in the lab... but some docs and supervisors will come in n out... so we must 'behave' ourselves too... haha... quite a no. of seniors staffs... if u noe wat i mean... they will talk n talk... they will some times talk abt u, abt ur work.. or heard them saying abt others behind their back... makes you wondering if they do tt behind urs... n as if you have done something incorrectly n yet you cant justify urself... the more you say the darker it becomes... all you hav to do is listen nod your head... but i guess tts what working life is abt... i'm learning to live n cope with it... start of the work is best to not make too many mistakes... more hardworking... n show ur capability n not weaknesses... not forgetting there is lots of codes to remember! n steps n reagents and plates to use for different tests!~ n i'm reading microscopy n reporting to the patients too. as we r handling paitents' sample, we must make sure alot of things are correct... but we are humans... who do make careless mistakes? all these are my challenge in everyday working life... to get my job done correctly n not to forget any things relating to it... so far so good... n i wish for the best~~~ :)

not forgetting my own life... i must really do sth to enjoy myself after office hours... n i started gym session last week... old liao... haha... mus try to convince myself to exercise more... man man lai la.. haha!

as always... there is always things i want to do but coz i'm working i have to turn in early... :(

looking fwd for tml~ i'm off this weekend~ yippy~

:)(:

2008-04-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

i need some color in my life...

life has been monotone n dull recently...

always tired... i need to feel more... i need to do sth...

2008-03-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

time flies... tt goes my 21st bday... haha... thx everyone for coming... i know its kinda boring... everyone just form its own groups... there's no unity... each person has its own 'take home msg'... well anw... its over... i'm just glad tt everyone came... be it those who stayed through out or just came to say 'hi'... haha! ;) its not easy nowadays to meet up or even see them ard if u noe what i mean... but i can tell who is sincere n who is not...

i noe celebrating with family is from the heart... n tt is really heart warming... tts wat i wan to feel for my 21st bday... tt ppl r willingly to celebrate with u... talking n chatting n wishing from their hearts... i loves to see smiles on my parents' n grandma's face... it bring us closer as a family... n not forgetting ming ming~~ spent lots of time, effort n money!!!! its really really a surprise for me~~ thanks!!

it come to worse with another grp... totally lost... after lunch... spending donkey yrs deciding where to go... each has its own mind... getting fewer n fewer ppl along the way... one left saying to meet his fren to buy stuffs n will come back later but he nv did... the other one from the moment we gg to take train... went different direction... luckily another grp of guys join us back in mind cafe... we had fun playing Taboo and Clue... half way left as they r booking in... left the 3 of us... haha... well anw, we had fun too~ :))

other den tt... everyday life is working... i'm so excited abt my 1st pay.. haha! finally i can contribute!~ oh.. went for 2 full day orientation! the duration was real long... talks n talks n tour too... can see how much effort they put in to train their staffs... good job! service from the heart. haha!

n im down with flu again! arrgghh... my ear block again... u noe how irritating tt is... haiz... n my tears keep falling like loosen tap... i cant control! worked today which is sat... today's kinda slack... no much samples n we hav chance to talk to each other more... went off early den usual, met ming at yishun for lunch n rush to yck for my driving lesson... i was kinda blur sometimes... partly coz im sick n my head is heavy... he said i'm ok n 3 lessons more shuld be enough to go for TP but i say no! i need more practise... cant afford to fail man... guess it just me tt is stressing myself... anw... after tt went to lib n borrow book... 'the five ppl you meet in heaven'. hopefully i can get thru with this one.. the previous 2 i just cant seems to be interested in... read a few pages on my bed n it is gd so far... went for dinner at woodgrove 'botak jones'. hmm... my mum said it wasnt as nice as expected... it was my dad who suggested to go there.. probably coz i mention it to them be4.. n they actually rem n brought us there despite tt he cant eat.. it mus be hard... i wish i can do sth... so i jus keep talking to see smiles on their faces... sometimes i jus feel tt there is little i can do... i tink by staying at hm is always gd... at least u noe ur family is tgt under one roof... spent rest of the night watching 'daredevil' with my bro... haha. nice to hav someone commenting n laughing while watching show tgt... eating tibits and hanging my legs over the shoulder of the sofa... after show went do to cycle by myself... sweat really chase my running nose away but it came back after i bathe... -_-|||

im feeling drowsy becoz of the medicine... guess i hav to turn in early now... hope i'll be feeling better tml... :)

2008-03-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

its friday finally... but i still gotta work tml.. :( n its 11.25pm now... gotta slp soon coz tml hv to rch there by 8am!!

working is very tiring i shuld say... oh! i got my 1st pay slip~ hehe... n its my 9th day of work only. hehe... i'm getting more robotic while doing work liao... coz its routine. n ive jus made a careless mistake~ lucky jus a minor one. just hope i din make a bad impression in front of those seniors...

i realized alot of things today... n really felt it... its really sad... but it makes me realized how insignificant i am to them... i did and tot so much... n for what? afterall the real deal is for me to be happy but am i after the whole damn thing? no.... sadly no... i could be just a simple reply or gesture... but it shows alot when the person dun mean it... i misses childhood days whereby ppl are friendly and innocent... growth ups are just blinded by whatever that they are bounded with now... i too cant see clearly of what really happening... guess i'm much more a receiver den a giver now... its not like i dun care.. is i not sure if its worth caring...

anw..................... tml wakes up will be another day le... its sat!!!! weekends finally...

:)(:

2008-03-02T22:49:00.003+08:00

whats so big deal abt 21st bday anw...

was thinking just a simple one with only close ones... a bbq... but come to tink of it... its raining season during march... its so hard to find a bbq pit with tap n shelter... its too late to book a chalet... was planning at orchid country club... even made a trip down there but found out they have too many restriction... book a cafe functional room very expensive... it count by per head... i hate troubles n hassles... was thinkin n planning n calling n asking the whole day... from bbq to buffet to catering etc etc... den come to think abt guest list is a headache too... what ex classmates or even relatives~ who really cares abt me anw~ thinking of the budget too... whether its worth it or not... arrghh! y so ma fan!!! suppose to be enjoyable... but its kinda late for everything now... wat the heck... i guess the last resort will be my hse...

i just want a simple yet sincere n memorable 21st bday...

forget it... shall slp early... i still have to wake up at 6am to go to work tml!!!!

i shall really think abt my life... whats impt whats not... sometimes i really wonder who r those who really cares abt me anw...

2008-02-27T22:32:00.004+08:00

the medicine is taking the effect already... drowsiness...

today is my 1st day @ work in SGH bacteriology... its a rather cozy and comfortable working environment... all the staffs r very helpful and friendly... they will joke and talk at our level... i dun feel inferior or neglected.. 1st day has always been hectic... i cant rem all their names... might be slow here n there... but overall is fine... hope i can catch up fast... collected my temporary name tag~ cool~ haha... n 2 pairs of black shoes~ haha... one with shoes lace the other one is court shoes. guess its for formal events... din manage to get my new lab coats coz its out of stock.. but the staffs from the lab r kind enough to give me 2 lab coats... partly coz they say send for washing its either take a long time or nv come back... haha... went for a meeting as well... it happens once every mth... mainly talks abt updates and some presentations on biomed products.. like machine used etc...

after talking to one of the staffs who has been working 10yrs in research lab... i'm glad tt im in a routine lab thou it might be boring sometimes... but the working hours is better and less workload and does not required us to bring 'work' back home... guess as a newbie... there is still lots of tings to learn abt... quite looking fwd to work... shuld say its a gd start... hope everything goes well as time passes by...

today is our 2nd year anniversary!!! haha... meet ming at yishun and went to cwp for dinner at the foodcourt... we were busying clearing the bones from the roasted duck~ haha... ya.. shall not eat tt again... he got exam tml some cant spend much time tgt... though its a simple meet up... but i really appreciate tt u make an effort to take out some time to spend with me :)

haha... kaisu me bought a lanyard and 2 pouches... haha~ coz we hav lockers for our bag and today i forgot to take my hp along during lunch break! so i shall carry in with my into the lab and one necessaries in another pouch which i can tk it along during lunch break. bought a note book as well.. its for the lab... to record anything down on the notebook be4 i forgets... haha like very enthu hor... i just hope i wun be so blur to make terrible mistakes... i still feeling kinda sick today... was abit dreamy and gloomy becoz of the blocked ear and nose... n cough! i tried so hard not to cough in the lab la.. haha..

its 11pm now... time to slp... hav to wake up at 6.30am... really hope tt everything will go smoothly at work everyday...

:)(:

2008-02-25T17:01:00.003+08:00

i'm starting my work on wed... expecting today which is mon... but HR din call me until today.. oh well.. so tml will be my last day of 'holiday' hehe...

i only did my urine test on wed... finally... tt day i was clean as in no more blood tested from my urine due to menses... but now still have not as much thou.. i need to see doc for tt... my menses cycle has been inconsistent.. kinda scare thou... sent wee chea off on tt day too... only me, ming, zf and dennis went... we waited at T3 but wee mistook.. it was at budget terminal~ we missed the shuttle bus waited 1/2hr for another... haha dennis made a dog using the balloon but wee cant take up to the plane... had sandwiches tgt at the cafe there.. they were talkin abt 4Ds and TOTO before wee went it... haha its like a usual thing already... will be seeing him 1 yr later... ming miss tassie badly while wee find it boring there... haha...

thur had my driving lesson... as usual... the uncle talked alot abt 'life'... ren sheng da tao li... haha... went to amk hub alone... i jus wan to go there to take a look coz din been there be4... kinda big but not alot of stuffs thou... after tt went to ming's hse... went to my cousin's hse too... jus to see how the bbq pit like... its in the middle of the condo... 2 bbq pit and a hut with holes shelter.. tentatively 6pm on sat, 15 mar for my bday bbq... not gonna invite alot of ppl.. jus a few close ones.. not even relatives as my family wun be ard... been thinkin how to decro tt place.. hee.. hope most of them can turn up... i'll be workin on sat too... till 1pm.. :) after tt played mahjong with his sis and grandma... wa... lost all my money to ming... hehe... had dinner at his hse too...

fri i made cheesecake... it was a successful one~ most ppl say its delicious~ hehe... too bad i cant eat alot coz sore throat... went to meet xueni for dinner after her work... hehe... i was shoppin alone at Tangs before tt... was lookin for transparent glass tea pot... all kinda ex so i bought a tea infuser cup instead.. very beautiful~ went home n tried lipton chamomile tea... erk.. dissapointed, tink im gg to buy organic ones after i bought my tea pot... hehe... had dinner at Food Republic... did alot of catching up... haha... she eat as slow as me... we were like eating and talking for at least an hr? haha...

sat... planned to stay at hm the whole day... but ming called and ask me out... surprise surprise.. haha.. went with his sis n bf.. wanted to watch movie at cineleisure but too many ppl.. went to see lime flea market.. nth much thou.. rather look at clothes online.. haha.. went to taka... helped my parent to buy honey which cost $98 for 1kg~! n saw pretty n cheaper tea pot!!! made a call to my mum be4 decide to buy it... but mum told me it still kinda ex and asked me to look ard 1st.. its $26 to $39 which i find it quite reasonable le... she asked in details how is it like.. suspect she wan to buy for me for bday so i told her i very fussy one.. dun wan too big, mus be the shape tt i wan etc etc.. haha... went back to yishun and watched L change the world with his frens mark and aileen... yah! finally watched L.. death note 1 and 2 nicer.. more excited.. but this one not tt bad.. less exciting but funnier.. haha.. den aileen gian mahjong so we played at ming's hse until 4am... haha.. i was losing at 1st.. but in the end managed to win $6~~ hehe..

sun went hm after lunch... den went to cwp and civil centre with my bro zuxiang... haha.. main purpose is to borrow books from lib coz he is having story telling.. haha.. we borrowed books from the kids section... at nite i felt very sick.. had a terrible sore throat... swallow saliva also pain.. followed by flu, ear block and cough.. the usual symptoms when i fall sick..

today woke up at 10am plus.. hardly can speak.. silly ming was on the bus towards on hse when i woke up... i was listenin to 933FM abt horoscope.. i find it quite accurate~ it says today i might hav prob getting things done.. tue n wed will be busy at work n weekends frens whom i hav not been contacting often will call me up.. haha.. today things quite ok lei.. went to see doc at marsiling.. was thinking will i be working on this wk since it said so.. but already after 12pm le.. din expect HR to call but it did!! HR called me at 4.30pm while i was slping saying i can start work any time!!! she was asking me if tml too soon for me i say ya.. haha so.. i'll be working on wed instead!! hehe.. finally!!! happy coz i got income le.. i will be working with yenshan hopefully.. coz we under say dept... at least got some1 i noe in the work place.. hehe.. hope i'll like the job!

:)(:

2008-02-19T13:02:00.002+08:00

tue 19 feb 13:00

woke up not long ago... duno y straight away go prepare... having driving lesson @2.30pm... anw.. i stayed at hm... ate corn flakes...

random tots...

i wanna redeco my room... i guess i dun need a study table any more.. felt like changing it to a tea table or sth... buy some aroma therapy oil, drink tea while reading story book or sth... haha... but my table is always full of stuffs... duno where to put them.. n i need to get a sand bag.. those i can sit one.. i've been sitting on the floor.. thou its my room but i still feel its kinda dirty. haha.. wanted to go ikea n see what can i buy to deco my room... i need photo frame n album for my aussie photo.. i need some colors n candles or whatever tt makes my room looks more cozy. but no car very inconvenient.. i'll be having my driving test on 14 apr.. hopefully i can pass this time... im taking auto summore... i'm already started to think what i can do if i hav my license... at nite can chill out with frens... when ming in army n drive him hm... i can always drive my family ard... i can do more things tt i wan w/o worrying abt transport hm or inconvenience...

im starting work soon hopefully... last fri went to HR and signed the offer letter. n went for pre employment medical examination... did blood test and X-ray... blood test normal... i'm hep B neg and immunized... but on tt day doc for occupational health on MC... all these took me almost 4hrs... went back on mon... went for ECG, n im still underweight... height 155cm, weight 41kg... hai.. no chance liao... still as short.. anw.. the ting is.. i'm at my last few days of menses cant do urine test.. hav to go back on wed... -_-||| ... tentatively.. if tt goes well... i'll start work on mon 25th feb...

so i can say this week is my last week to enjoy... but sadly everybody else is busy... most ppl hav to study for their exam... including ming... so suay one... haiz... i still wanna go shopping... but i spent quite alot these few weeks... bought ALDO bag... but i love it alot alot... felt like gg more bags.. from spreehouse... hand itchy sia... more casual dress mb? but my working attire is shirt, jeans and covered shoes... haiz.. anw.. i tink i wanna shop to make me feel happier... i dun seems to get contented... i wanna more.. i wanted to really enjoy u noe... but it felt like there is sth tt hinders it.. i wanted to hav fun.. coz i duno how will it like after i start working... frankly, its not really my dream job or at least sth tt i even tot of... yes.. its medical technologist.. but its under dept of bacteriology... i din mention but u i dropped tt module in monash.. coz to rem what results indicate which pathogen is a headache to me... n i tink becoz we've hav scolded once by one of the lecturer for being slow in lab work. haha.. mb tts y i boycotted it so much... but anw, come to tink of it.. its the 1st job tt has been offered to me... n the rest no reply at all!!! arghh... let jus take it as experience... n to see what its like to work in a lab.. get some experience so as to prepare myself for other jobs... but it takes 2 yrs for training... to become a qualified medical technologist.. hmm.. let jus say see how it goes... scarely i liked it n will stay on or they dislike my n kick me out instead... haha nv noe... so i can pic my life for the nx 2 yrs... working from 8am to 5pm... may be working 'night' shift sometimes.. haha but its only 5pm to 8pm.. until they hav a new building den we'll hav 24 shifts... but tt is 2 yrs later... hav to work on sat as well.. 1st mth every sat.. n den alternate sat... only be able to meet up for dinner if not sun is my only whole day free day... sometimes sat too...

oh well... i need to get gg... will be gg my hse kpt for lunch myself n den head to yck for my driving lesson...

will try to be happy.

:)(:

2008-02-11T00:54:00.000+08:00

let me just update abt my cny celebratn be4 i forgets...

nian chu xi

reunion dinner with my own little family... ate all the bai bai stuffs... got roasted duck, shao rou, chicken, prawns, veg. etc etc... yum yum... finally had reunion dinner... coz we seldom eat tgt thou only got 5 of us... n also got lau yu sheng. hehe... simplicity is the best... i love my family :)(:

nian chu yi

straight away after i woke up... i did my hair... i took at least 1 hr to get it all curl nice n even... den took another 20min to do make up... as usual everyone hav to wait for me to go out. haha...

went to my grandma hse for lunch... we r the earliest. after a while rest of my relatives came... my family stayed for awhile after lunch n left coz my dad cant stay for long... still need to go hm n rest... i stayed at my grandma's place... we played poker n in between with all the cousins... haha.. had alot of fun... i tink in the end i win abit... few dollars not much thou... after dinner played with Shaun... he's only 3 yrs old... n he is very very cute!! he's not shy at all.. talking n using gun to bang everyone.. haha.. as rest of the cousins r accompanying their bfs... i played with the kids~~ ming was in msia with rest of his family n relatives... :(( oh ya...during lunch... everyone is asking me where is my bf... n my elder cousin start saying 'where is ur ming ming??' den expectedly my mum says ' ming ming u call one ar??!!' everyone stunted n start calling him ming xiong (brother) or ming shao (shao ye de shao) haha!!! very very funny!~ ard 10plus my elder cousin fetch me hm..

nian chu er

in the mrn my grandma came to visit us for awhile... den my cousin come fetch my grandma n i to sok po's hse... oh ya, be4 tt went to cwp n buy movie tickets!! haha... wa... damn lot of ppl man... lucky bought the tickets at 9.45pm. went to yishun... 1st went to 10th floor n bai nian with all the 3 gu 6 po... haha... not close one... jus say happy new yr... sat for a while n went down to 9th floor... there got more ppl of my generation. haha~ but this yr nt many ppl came coz all attended funeral... after lunch, spent rest of the aftern watching my cousins play majiong n learnt some here n there. haha... oh ya... the majiong room got 1 massage chair. very shiok ar~ from head to leg one.. (not toes. haha!) mus be damn ex... if nx time rich i also wan 1 at my room. haha!

finally ming came back from msia... haha... everyone is expecting ming ming to come... when he rched everyone talked to him while i take drinks for him. mus hav scare the hell out of him as my sok po talk very loud one... all my cousins... from jiemin one lei~ including me n ming. haha... at least got something common to talk. haha. sok po insist ming to hav dinner tgt... haha! all my cousin bfs kanna be4... they all advise him to join the dinner table n ate something will be fine.. if not my sok po will nag n nag n nag n nag! haha very funny. played with Shaun again~ haha... this time round not many cousins came.. played poker with only 5 ppl... all~ ming is the cai shen ye... he kept losing $$ to us. haha. after tt 4 couples (me n my 3 cousin sista) went to watch CJ7 at cwp. funny show too~ tt little boy (which is actually a ger in real life) in the show damn cute too~ his expression~~ felt like squeezing his cheek!

haha. still not enough wor. after my cousin fetch us hm is already 11plus. ming called his frens n i went to his hse by bus to play majiong!!! haha. sth spooky happened while he rided me on the bike on the way to his hse. the lamp posts one by one turned off as we pass by it!!! scary man!! this happens all the time to ming one.. anw, we played majiong till 4plus... n i won!!! $3.40 only but i won lei! long time din play majiong le. hehe.. kinda addicted. haha!

nian chu san

my father's side relatives came to our hse... all adults.. only 1 cousin but she n her dad left after awhile... rest of the adults stayed till dinner... ta bao from my hse kpt... n my cooked home made soup. simply dinner again... just the 8 of us... plus ming ming! haha... i like it when there is a few close ones having dinner tgt.. no need many ppl.. jus ppl tt we r close with... like tt more heart warming... we were discussing how to finish the whole fish coz only my dad knows how to eat the fish head... but he cant eat now already... appetite not tt gd... in the end my uncle divide n distribute the fish. haha. asking my brother to take over the job of eating the fish head.

at nite meet jack, zheng feng, yaofeng, fel n her bf to xueying hse... at 1st the 4 of us played majiong... me, jack, zf n xueying... after a while fel n her bf came n take over xy.. as usual yf will be the last to rch. haha! n i won again! this time $5.40~ haha... tink i'm lucky only. haha... after tt played poker till ard 2 plus to 3am i guess... some started to get tired... den zf intro in between to them... we started off with only 20 cent each... play n play till the pool money got lot of money... most contributed by yf.. haha! n fel bf won all the pool money n tts when every all got high esp. yf... haha... we all played until very excited!! finally we stopped playing ard 5plus am... haha. really addicted to majiong n card games liao... tink coz i long time din play until like tt... but its really fun! esp. with frens i guess.. we shall continue during wee chea's chalet! hehe...

i jus hope for healthy n happy life this year... no need to be wealthy or with many ppl... just with some impt family n frens will do... n i still got lots of places i wan to go... hope i'll hav to mood n time to do the tings i wan... all the best guys!!

:)(:

2008-01-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

had quite an enjoyable weekends i suppose... i'm not that stress anymore...

sat stay at hm and help up until 7pm plus... went to bugis and meet my poly frens... most of them r army guys n only the 3 of us from monash r the only gals... as usual we took a long time to decide where to chill out... from bugis walked to dhoby ghaut... aim was to go minds cafe in the end settle down at TCC.. by the time was already 11pm plus... too late to catch the last train.. we ordered coffee n started to distribute gifts and do some catching up... seems like army guys themselves got lots of things to talk abt... anw... we went off in quite a quick rush coz ying's dad come n pick her up.. den the rest of us.. i mean gals started to left as well ard 12am plus... haha, finally jojo agreed to send me hm as well... if not i hav to take NR... its me vs 4 guys in the car... squeezy~ but anw, i'm glad to do some catching up with them once in a while...

sun.. went party world wif fel... finally get to sing properly... consider as my 1st proper ktv session since im back... suppose to meet xy after tt but i need to go hospital coz my mum leaving... they accom me to the hospital for awhile be4 dey go walk walk themselves... my dad besides gg to toilet, he spent most of the time slping... finally my mum came n i went to look for fel n her bf... sm came after meeting with his frens... we went to chinatown... wow... thats lota ppl!!! gotta squeeze thru the way... i got 2 batik tube top... blue and black... n got a watch too for only $7~ heng i din get it from far east, its cheaper in chinatown~ went to get chay kuay teow and lala! yummy dinner~~~

mon.. i cant recall much... mainly spent my time in the hospital...

tue.. went to hospital since i woke up at 6am... wanted to catch the doc.. but 1 of them came at 7.30am... i wasnt in time to see him... anw, i get to see rest of the 2 doc.. they really come n go very fast.. less den 2min i guess... nth promising... still need to see how lor... see blood test.. see if medi is working effectively... dad jus did another ultrasound scan again.. doc say is to make sure it is not coz by other factors or viruses.. coz he say by right the medi shuld hav a fast effect but it doesnt seems so for my dad's case... but he looked more energetic den be4 thou.. hope it is a gd sign... went back hm at 11am plus... bought fruits myself to bai bai at hm coz its 15th of the mth. after tt met zm at cwp... n do some catching up at civil starbucks... after tt go hm again at 4pm plus to cook dinner n prepare stuffs for my parents... clothes, towels etc... n den go back to hospital again... very tired man... took taxi hm with my bro... go hm still fold clothes n iron some of them... cannot tahan liao... but still wanna blog be4 i go to slp... :)

everyday i pray for the same thing... tt is for my family health... esp. my dad... wish he will become more healthy n speedy recovery...

really hope tings will become better... at least settle down things.. at least my dad can go hm.. meanwhile i still worrying abt job n money...

n mb den i will hav the mood to shop n hav fun...

2008-01-19T14:19:00.000+08:00

i think i need a break... my life has been so hectic since i came back... no moments of relax at all... even thou i go out with frens for a few times for bday celebration... but still no mood...

i have reason for it... im not complaining abt how boring n dreadful me life is... its really been tough for me since i knew the news... until now i still not quite sure how to handle...

last week.. every weekdays... woke up at 6am... give my brothers morning call... prepare breakfast... prepare them for their school before i went back to sleep again... den woke up at 9.30am... preparing myself to go to work... ate alone at the kpt near my hse... took train to outram... worked at SGH as traffic surveyor... its not a glamorous job... have to wear tt constructor yellow reflective light vest... handed with sheets of paper n clicker... stand n sit under the hot sun n sometimes rain... sometimes got shelter... what we did is counting the no. of different vehicles or taking down car plate no. everyday nv fail to have passerby talking to us n ask where we r doing... cars passing by looking at us... esp buses... everyone will be looking at us... wth... anw... the only fun part is talking to frens while working... frens who i dun normally talk... think what say what... quite enjoyable thou...

at the end of the work... i'm sweaty and sticky... felt so uncomfortable... tts not the end of the day yet... i need to go buy dinner... twice i hav to go maxwell market... once at the chinatown temp. market... yea.. n i was alone... tts once... i walked from outram to chinatown... shopped myself... n walked back to outram to buy dinner to da bao to hospital...

sometimes my mum was there... sometimes she went home 1st... been seeing my dad everyday... talked to him as well... noe it has been very hard for him... he said he is in pain since july... i wish to help in any ways... tts y i've been busy doing house chores n run errand... he better i guess... not tt lethargic... still can joke ard... but cant speak much... get out of breathe easily... n the needles... it has been very painful... he changed hand twice already. n i always din get the chance to speak to the doctors... they always come early in the mrn like 7.30am... wish to catch them one of these days...

i noe i shuldnt be complaining abt my life now... its my responsibility to help ard... i wish to n i wanted to... jus tt it hasn't been the life i tot i would have or i din even tot of... i never did so much be4... i've been like a part time mother... nagging my bro to get up... iron clothes... endless clothes seriously... cant finish one... washing dishes... cooking... yea... cooking... clean here n there... its really taking up alot of time to do all these even thou it might sound alittle... recently, i jus realised tt i need to help my brothers too... normally mom will be ard to look after their sch work n life... guess now is my turn... im learning to think like mom now...

n my bro n i jus went to the wet market this mrn... yes.. wet market... bought fishes n meat... n aso sheng song to buy other necessaries stuffs like tissue box, washing powder etc...

i dun hav time of my own... i din have any chance to jus sit down n watch tv as n when i wan... not even time or mood to do the times i want... there are so many places i wan to go n do... simply facial, manicure or shopping... by the time i reach home its late n tired... been looking for jobs... but i need time to consider n edit my resume... even meeting up with frens... its harder for me to find the chance... n after all, i hav no mood... i looked so serious n dead... i dun wanted to... but for all the things tt is happening... its hard for me not too... i might be giving myself too much stress... give me time... till i get the hang of it ok? i cant be bother to explain myself anymore... whenever ppl ask me what i have been doing? slacking ard izzit? gg out with bf ar? etc etc... i hate it man... guess its hard for ppl to understand... i gg to said it once n serious... tt i really busy coz family matters... if they still dun understand... forget it... not worth explaining myself anyway...

i always not in gd mood... felt very fan... n my temper not gd too... i dun mean to... sometimes i ok still can play ard n joke... but for the smallest ting on earth agitated me... i pissed off real fast n sian tiao all the way... its normal to expect the most understanding person to be the closest people ard me... i'm lacking the feeling of understanding... i wish to have listening ears... even if it is jus a slightest complain... at least give me a feedback to make me feel better or at least make me feel comfort... guess its hard to achieve... partly im a stubborn person too...

nvm... i'll be the person... every chance can make me stronger... at the same time weaker... coz now i'm real hostile n bad tempered person now...

nonetheless... thanks ming for accom n helped me... hang in there with me k?

i wish things will be fine... i wish my dad can get well soon... tts the most impt thing tt i would expect now... but meanwhile... other den my mom... i'm the nx person for the rest of my family member to rely on... i'm learning to take the responsibility too...

2008-01-12T00:21:00.000+08:00

what a tiring day...

slept at 2am plus... was doing my resume... getting myself ready for Links2008 at grand hyatt hotel... woke up at 5.45am as usual during weekdays to wake my brothers up n prepare breakfast for them... after they left for school den i prepare myself to go out...

reach orchard at 9.15am... met ying n yenshan... ate at breadtalk... who knows they provided breakfast before the talk... -_-... basically there are 3 main organizations that i can work in... Singhealth, National Healthcare Group and A*star... the expected salary is very attracted... as well as the working environment.. not forgetting health benefits too! after much consideration, i tink i would want to work in hospital ba... hehe... will start looking for job opening n submit my resume soon...

met the rest at vivo city for jack's celebration... by the time i'm half dead liao... i'm so freaking tired n my eyes were so dry!! the heels is killing me! n we walked round n round vivo city!! duh~

i'm so sorry to my frens... i cant enjoy and talk with interest... i'm like lost interest in whatever things that should be interesting to me... my life... simply shopping or hanging out... i dun feel the same anymore... i dun have the mood to do anything!!! i just feel that my life is not the same anymore... i noe no one can understand... coz sth huge happened that really change my life and thinking as well as prospective in life... i wanna make a difference and not sitting ard thinking nosense... duno why i have this negative tots... i should be positive abt it... haiz... meantime i just want to get myself tgt n start thinking positive and do sth useful for my family...

2008-01-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

its 2008 now!

2007 had been a tough year for me... n unforgetable i guess... hell lots of things has happened.

now i'm back n different... i ain't gonna be playful anymore... ain't gonna play or do things as n when i want... i gotta think... think more serious abt my future n the person i wanna be...

too much things to say n think... aim is to start working after chinese new year... 1st hope i can get a gd pay job... 2nd i wan to work hard for it... im the eldest in the family... its time to do some responsibilities... i'll be hard on myself... n strong mentally...

throughout 2007 sth big happened n i'm only been told lately... no matter what i'll be stronger n can be some1 tt can rely on n take responsibilities... i have a strong mind is i do... only i know myself best... what i want to do nth can change my mind... n so hard to be understood by others but its ok... i need myself to be strong...

life is precious... n love is what life cant take away... n yes... we work hard not for ourselves but for the person we love... i really want to do my part now... give me chance n time...

n i really pray that everything will be alright... i gotta be positive too... i need to be... n i will be if i told myself to... i will be...

sometimes i really care what others think of me... n the person i m now r not well understood by others... but its ok... so long i have confidence in myself... tts what i really need now...

its not only me anymore... therefore i need to be strong in front of others...

jia you ba.

:)(:

2007-12-12T00:44:00.001+08:00

oh no... its been so long since my last blog...

tts a gd ting actually... i only think of blogging when sth bothering me or i got not better to do... haha... oh n partly... i've been gg out lately... alot of things i din update... as time goes by... too tired to update liao... haha...

anw... this might be my last entry of the year... which is y i'm feel kinda sad? haha... i duno... tts y im here... haha...

ok... i was suppose to be slping... went to bed at 2.50am... but its already 4am le!!! i spent the whole day researching for tassie itinerary and pack PART of my room... still got lot more to pack ar... anw... im already physically tired... try to slp early coz my family will be here in the mrn!!! dey will arrive at melb airport at 6.25am... taking 7.30am bus... probably rch my place in 30min time~

its gd thou... i planned almost everything nicely be4 dey come... have been waiting for this day... but... suddenly... i cant slp!!! i felt sad n keep thinking as thou sth is bothering me... y m i like tt ar? is it tt i cant bear to let go my freedom here or is it tt its the end of the life i've been like for the past few mths? i've been cursing tt my life sucks here... how nice it will be if im back in sg... but suddenly... all tis will end le... i wun be slping in this room alone anymore... got parents to nag at me le... will i still hav my own little space?

i hope there's no big change... i duno what hav i missed... i duno how to react... one thing change for sure... i'm getting fat!!!

haiz... duno y i cant slp... slp!!!! i hav to wake up early u noe?

probably my mind keep tinking tt this is the last day liao... mus make use of it... so cant slp... coz once i wake up tml... my life will be different liao...

*mind sorting in process* hopefully i can fall aslp be4 sunrise... wish me luck... nite...

:)(:

i scare i'm the one who changed. to me there is no difference coz i adapt to here, will i appear differently to others?

2007-11-28T15:52:00.000+08:00

2 more weeks to go be4 my family come... hehe!

been gg out lately... coz lappy spoil... nth to do at hm... gg to collect my lappy tml in the city again... hopefully its alright this time! *cross finger*

went to the city ytd... pay up for the day tours... n shopping at DFO! i bought a red sportsgirl bag for $40! but i pay $20 only coz i got the voucher for my bday from the RP girsl!! it's big n handy!~ can use it as hand luggage too~

i bought a yellow skinny for only $20 as well... oh oh n... we went for buffet dinner at crown... eat from 6pm to 9.30pm... eat till damn full sia... not very nice thou... no seafood de... haha...

crown
Sante buffet restaurant
city

nth much to updates too... more to come i hope... the gals still planning to go for picnic... but mus really know how to choose when to go... the weather here has been weird as usual... hot with no clouds at all... or rain n thunderstorm...

oh ya... i'll be getting my results tml night!!! god bless man... mus really cross finger... its either gd or very bad... i really duno. sms notice somemore... think i'll go home n see the msg if im outside... i hope it all went well... hmmm...

2007-11-25T10:10:00.000+08:00

feeling so depress now... i spent $300 on the motherboard... NOW!!! he said got prob with my hard disk! i cant even on my lappy now... damn... spent $300 for nth... if i noe i need to change my hard disk as well i will not hav bought the motherboard. damn... he said if i change the motherboard it will be back to the same as it was... now... tell me my hard disk also corrupted. *Arghh* worse still... when after i got back my lappy... it can still work... but sometimes only... use for awhile go to blue screen... when it can be use, i backed up all my data... n u noe what? i cant even go on internet! sth wrong with my IP address... n he taught me how to get IP address from my friend's com.. after tt can use... BUT! once my friend log on to her computer to the internet... i got disconnected n cant log in again. damn!!! felt i'm so computer idiot! *Arghh*

laptop is all it takes to spend the day at home... w/o laptop... NTH!!!!!!!!!!! everyone in their own rooms using laptops... doing their own stuffs... me? *haiz* worse still, there is no TV here... i only got my mp3 n speaker!! n tidying up my room... there is lots of things i wanna do... all in the laptop!!!!! i remember where all my friends' contacts n address liao... its in my laptop!!!! i need to check out shipping of excess baggage n road map in tassie... i hvnt plan the trip yet! n also pay the Melbourne day tour... all need laptop n internet... i cant do all these as n when i want!!! feel so useless to always borrowing laptop from frens... *Arghh*

im so pek cek!! always turn in early coz nth better to do liao... n woke up early as well... this mrn i decided to go to sch to find com labs... there is one 24 access n probably open during weekends... so i give it a try... who knows i still need to register my student ID card... den i walk ard sch to find other com labs... but no... all the doors r locked!!! felt so irritated. no choice hav to go home... they all still slping... i have to sneak in to ying's room n use laptop to register my ID card... DEN... it still need 3 working to process!!!! *Arghh* tell me abt it man.... feel so shit right now!

feel like gg out alone... its holiday man!! plus i got no laptop to use i would wan to go out everyday... probably i'll do it nx week... i wanna do sth n not waiting at home!! i wanna do whatever i wan w/o worrying abt what other thinks... yes... i'm gg to plan for my own... its holidays n i just wan to do sth n be happy n not waiting for things to happen!!!!!!!

if only im in sg... i can go other with frens, ming, walk alone or just watch tv n sanyang nicole at home... ohhh... i miss sg...

:((

2007-11-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

oh... im slacking at hm the whole day! playing facebook n uploading photos~! later hope to hav time to watch show~ yy ys r watching goong now so i'm using yy's lappy. i still hvnt got back mine!~ :(( sianed... alot of tings i hvnt update... haiz... anw... i shall update abt ytd!

went to brighton beach! the bathing boxes are so nice to see... but its a long way to get there lor. took train and walked a hell long of distance to see the colourful boxes... well... i guess its worth it. the photos r so nice n colourful!

n the sun is freaking hot! u noe wat... it was raining in the mrn lor! but weather forecast stated the temp. was min. 18 max. 31!

we saw ppl sun tanning, lots of dogs n dog shit! haha. even ah ma ah ma went for a swim too~ zai sia! hahaha! took lots n lots of photos! http://twinstars87.shutterfly.com/action/

after tt, we went to eat fish n chip nearby. there's lots of food esp. fries~ cant even finish it so we ta bao... n den... we walked even a longer distance to find some places to go... who noes its damn far n there is nth actually!!! wat a draggy walk... got sun tanned along the way... went to 7/11 n bought mineral water to drink... cool~ long time din sweat liao... haha... no more winter/spring anymore~

went hm after tt... bathed n watched another movie while eating the leftovers n nachos with salsa dip! wow... i really feel very fat lor... haiz... got tummy n flabby arms liao. haiz!!! but cant stop eating tt much aso... shall tink abt it when i got back... hope u guys can still recognized me can liao. hahaha!~

oh... i cant wait to go hm!!!!!!!!!! lots of tings i wanna do @ sg! meanwhile i'll make full use of the time here too! miss everyone in sg!!!!

:)(:

2007-11-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

went to city today~~ woke up at 9.30am... oh but 1st my fren bring me to some computer shop nearby to fix my lappy! it cannot start... sth to do with CMOS failure... haiz... called a few shops all dun do repair... oh ya~ i saw tis car at the sch carpark!!! wish it was my car~ has my blk no. there too!!! hehe~

finally went to Notebook R us at North richmond... i need to pay $95 up front just for diagnosis! haiz... just hope my hard disk dun clash can liao... after tt went to Melbourne Central to do some shopping~ only left 2 hrs to shop~ :( bought a top at $20 n a short cardigan for $15 @ valleygirl again... haha...after tt went to nando's~ eat till damn full man... haha...

after tt went to lygon st... walk walk... take bus back to Melbourne Central n took train home... nth much to do anw... all shops close liao... n i was so tired...

went back hm nth to do... coz w/o laptop!~ i cant survive w/o laptop here man... i jus fell aslp on my bed! but after awhile we watched 'good luck chunk' its a funny show... haha~

now i'm using ying's laptop... thou tired but i tink i'll continue to watch 'the drive of life'... tml slacking day again... hehehe~

i love holidays!!!!!~~ i wan me laptop back soonn~~~

2007-11-13T09:13:00.001+08:00

my exam's over!~ yippy!!! hehehe~

it was kinda easy... hope it went well...

went to eat kfc at caulfield... dun tink i'll ever go there again... haha, only went there for my exam. my exam at racecourse u noe~ haha... coz only there big enough to have many seats for alot of ppl... 2hrs for 60 mcqs is too much la... i went off be4 the exam ends... hehe...

after lunch went to watch 'rush hour 3' at chaddy... haha... after tt we jumped into another cinema theatre... watched 2nd half of 'rogue' hehe... it was rather cold at nite but it was sunny in the aftern... hate the weather man... anw, after dinner at mac we went hm n watch movie again... haha 'meet the Robinsons'... its cartoon... rather nice... oh.. n i went to sign up for facebook acct... its so much fun n more things to do den friendster... but i tink need to spend alot of time on it... coz theres lots of applications~~ haha... i've been playing with it til 5am in the mrn. anw, its holiday~~~ im gg to slack at hm today... watch shows.. hehe... n i wan to go shoppin~ ktv~ n might be gg rockclimbing too...

but i still cant wait to go back sg~~~~~

:)(:

2007-11-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

went to lib tis few days... sitting at my corner... hehe... i wrote ming n lin in chi character on the table~ haha... guess tml is the last time im gg there to study le... yeah~~~~~

should i be relax for my last paper on mon??? it seems be to easy... ok... its only 60 MCQs for 2 hrs! my BMS got 72 MCQs!! + 12 SAQs + 3 seminar essays for 3 hrs!!! so the coming paper sounds so easy la! plus its all lab n technical stuffs... not so much of content... n only 15 lectures notes to study... i still left 5 more to study on sun... mon wake up early n revise again before gg for paper at 2.30pm... sounds easy huh? but i really duno if i shuld be so relax for it man... haiz... everything also can be so fan... haha! hope what i'm doing is fine... gambattae! 2 more days!~~~~~

:)(:

2007-11-08T14:17:00.000+08:00

finished IMM paper 2 days ago... phew~ but after the paper i dun feel rite... i become sian diao suddenly.. everyone's like oh finish lor~ but i was still stoning... only slept for 4hrs tt nite... still went to city after tt... suppose to hav a gathering with all the RP girls coz 1 of them flyin back on fri! so shiok rite... anw say meet at 7pm... but only the 4 of us on time... 'The triple Ys' (Yanlin, Yingying n Yenshan - tts wat they call us~ haha) n joanna...

its racing carnival... everyone's so dressed up la... with dresses n hats... i feel so inferior... :((
n yes... its 7pm already n its still so bright!!!

there's 'fireworks' nite time every hr at Crown... its real Fire... -_-|||

we waited till 8.30pm! in the end we went to eat ourselves at a Thai restaurant... wasnt very nice but expensive neh~ like my fren said... we r spoiled by singapore's food... which is true man... here nth seems to be nice at all~

ytd... slept for 10hrs! went to a shop called 'taste of singapore' n i ordered mee siam... haha... as expected... not so nice aso... happens to meet all the other RP girls in clayton rd again! haha... we take our own sweet time to do groceries... went back hm ard 8pm... ate salad for my dinner... n watch 'the covenant' be4 i slp...

n today... vacuumed my room finally... went to Glen for yong tao fu... but they got soup only... no sweet sauce =((... not so bad... but expensive... $8.80!!! hav not been driving for so long... very blur today... haha... ops... n i slacked the whole day!!! so sick man... still got 1 more paper on mon. i haven't even touch yet! i hav been studying for the past THREE weeks liao... i'm so sick of it lar! tell me abt it man... haiz...

cant wait for everything to be over... i feel so ugly n lifeless now... no life no color no mood at all! im so dead! i seriously gotta do sth abt myself... i need new clothes!! i need more color in my life!!! i need get my life back... i need my motherland - sg... i miss everything n everyone there~~~ =(((

2007-11-06T06:58:00.001+08:00

its 10am now! n i'm having IMM paper 2.30pm at caulfield... need to leave hse by 1.20pm...

woke up since 7am... din slp well last nite... still feeling tired after drinking redbull!!! y....

hope taking a little break now i can continue to memorize later... yes... memorize! arrgghh~!!

nvm its my last essay paper le! 3 hrs! gambatte!

so near yet so far... wish i could just skip all these n pop! i'm back in sg again!!

:)(:

2007-11-03T14:29:00.000+08:00

im back again... guess i dun hav enuff slp.. tot 7hrs will be enuff.. but no... im feelin tired now... y is it so difficult to study? haizzz~~ very pek cek lei! i hav the time but not the mood to study...

having headache now... makes me even harder to focus...

ming~~~ where r u?? msg me asap k???

talk to me!~~ i dun wan to drift off again... faster bring me back k...

miss ya.............................................

2007-11-02T07:28:00.000+08:00

2 down 2 more to go!

ytd's BMS MCQs section sucks man! so chim... who will study in such a detail... overall still alright... but guess this end sem ppr will pull my marks down.

slept for 9hrs~ hehe. so shuang!~ i really din slp the day be4 ytd jus to study BMS... n i already gone crazy studying for it la! i'm serious! tink only ming ming knows what happened... for tt moment i really tot there's sth wrong with me... like i got some mental probs... cry, throw temper at myself, stress, lost, slp deprived, lost appetite n worst - i vomited. its really damn terrible! glad tt's over. but 1 more essay writing ppr n 1 MCQs ppr to go. tink i'll stress for the essay one which is nx tue!

i need some break today man... cant slack too much thou... need to keep my mind gg for studies..

lookin fwd to the end of exam... i'll be free to enjoy whatever i want!! yeah!

:)(:

2007-10-31T12:10:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so much better after i woke up... ya... i went back to slp again after i had my breakfast. ytd nite had gastric... woke up at 9am... thx ming for the mrn call... felt hungry so i cooked mee... end up i feel like vomiting... n i did! abit... coz i keep forcing myself to finish the fish... but it still came out... felt so terrible... my mind starts gg crazy again... so i went back to slp...

now after i woke up i felt so much better... hav to keep up with my studies le... BMS tml! mrn! guess i'm not slping again... jia you~

its quite depressing sometimes... thruout my aussie life... but thx to ming alot alot alot! he always there for me... listen to me... n talk crap to me to make me laff... accom me to talk on phone whenever i call... thx u so so so so much! i really duno how i can survive w/o u here... cant wait to see u soon!!! dun complain i bully u k? hehehe~

n fel~ thx for the gift! sweeet~ i tink the box kinda big n the 'photo frame' moves ard... so the logo kanna detached. but nvm! i manage to 'fix' it back... haha! might not be the same as wat u did. y u nv tk photo of it??? anw here u go....

haha nice? i'll play with it again after exam!~~!! really encouraged me to jia you on my exam... n jus so nice i rcv it after my 1st ppr la! haha... thx alot!!! =))

n here's the ducklings jus outside my hse!~~~~ ccutee!!

i gotta go back to study le... jia you!!!

:)(:

2007-10-31T08:17:00.000+08:00

"We are searching for more meaning in our lives. More guidance to create our lives into what we dream about. We want to attract all that is great and grand and glorious for us. We all want a peaceful happy abundant purpose-filled life. We want to be free of our hidden fears, insecurities, and struggles. Learning how to release those blocks through inner awareness allows us to be clear and open to our intuition."

2007-10-31T07:44:00.000+08:00

im gg crazy again...

its all in my mind i know... i jus couldn't help it... i think too much... i can't control my feelings n tots again...

i wish im at hm... i dun feel gd whatever i do... i tink i'll be fine when i get over myself...

2007-10-28T19:52:00.000+08:00

omg... i tink i start feeling stress liao... arrghh~~

i blogged alot abt my stress here... coz i got no one to turn to.. well. there is ming ming... but cant always bored him abt my stress... unless im really really stress... =P

hopefully its my final exam of my life~ i dun wanna go thru it again anymore... sometimes i wish i can jus skip tis exam n poo~ holidays! haha dream on man...

starting from tml time will pass very fast till thur i tink... after my 2nd paper can relax abit...

as for now... its the battle within myself... hope i can make it thru...

:)(:

2007-10-28T12:08:00.000+08:00

its daylight saving time~ i just had 1 hr less to slp!~ 1 hr less to study or slack~ so now the time difference between aussie n sg is 3 hrs!

its sun... n my 1st paper is on tue! ohhh... y m i still not stress?? i duno how to describe the feelin now... it wasnt as stress as the previous exam... i hav been studying constantly for the past 2 weeks... tts y im not worrying? but~ its not in my head yet! i still need to memorize...

haiz... pls give me energy n the mood to study plssss~~~ guess i have to wait till the day be4 exam den start to panic n den start to memorize...

wish me luck!!!

:)(:

2007-10-25T12:55:00.000+08:00

what a great home i have...

what a place to study...

great...

empty...

hate it...

i want to shout, sing n person who i can talk to!!!!

2007-10-23T13:34:00.000+08:00

im so distracted when im studying at home!! planning to put my com away... so i decided to blog 1st. hehe...

i used to do work at nite n slp late... but recently i've been waking up early... have been start studying 2 weeks be4 exams... still not stress yet... so nth goes in... i'm just reading n taking down notes... hope it will helps... i can only start memorising few days be4 exams... hope what i'm doing is rite... i'm still tryin to get into the mood of studying... but i'll stress if i'm behind my plan... n everyone's in their own room... study study study study........... =((( the whole hse is so empty sometimes... i wanna go hm~~~

alright... enough abt boring stuffs...

its my 1st time making my own pancakes!~ its not as nice as the one in Mac... haha... but its fun making it... (=

went to DFO couple days ago... bought a purse for my mum as bday gift! its from country road... usual price is $89!!! i got it at $25~ haha tink coz dey wan to get rid of old stock! but its a gd buy anw... n i bought a vest at $9.95 only!!!!! cheap cheap cheap~ haha...

i think twice be4 putting this pic up. but u noe, its so bored, no other entertainment.. anw, here u go...

frens came over to our hse, cooked dinner n watched movie with projector in the kitchen! =)

pandan leaves for making tang yuan dessert!

star shape tang yuan!

cooking in process~

served!

watching hollow man 2... sorry abt the gory scene =P its projected on the window blind~ we r watching it in the kitchen~

my star shape tang yuan!~

from residents of our block... haha! spelling error~

guess i hav to go back n study le!! haiz...

soon it will be over~~ jia you!~~

:)(:

2007-10-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

i just took a nap... wishing when i woke up i'm at my own room in sg... feeling so blur when i woke up... thou slept for only 1 hr.. but the timing is so weird... 6.45 to 7.45pm... jus feels so weird...

its so empty... i wish i'm back hm... i dun feel its myself here...

thanks ming for listening to me... if not i'll be lost again... u really makes me feel so much better, alive n more being me...

hope i can put it thru... 9 more days... jia you!

:)(:

2007-10-17T21:18:00.001+08:00

tts my dinner last nite... hehe... getting greedier... more side dishes~ :))

i did celebrate hari raya ok~ haha... last min in the mrn frens called us... i dun even noe there is a celebration organized by the residents. anw... the food is cooked by all the malay residents here... nice~ heard them talking abt how they prepare the food n all that the nite be4~ the cookies imported or shuld i say smuggled from sg!~ haha~ n my fren's story abt their own house celebration n asking for forgiveness etc etc... its so harmony... dun tink we ask for forgiveness during chi new yr rite? haha... not tt i noe... anw...

2007-10-17T20:27:00.000+08:00

finally finished my assignments!!~ yeah~

but i keep tellin myself not to slack... keep gg... need to study... cannot relax, muz plan my time nice nice... control my feelings... keep telling myself to do this do that... if cant catch up with my plan, i stress again... the big prob is i duno my limit... i duno how to keep cool... i jus keep trying n finding whats best for me but its not working out... mb for the time being but at the end of the day... no... mb tts y i'll become emotionally unstable...

i dun expect anyone to understand what i'm gg thru nor noe what i'm thinking... but i expect myself to know but sometimes i dun... i keep thinking to myself... sometimes lost in my own world... omg... i'm drifting off again...

what is the purpose?

what i'm saying here might mean no sense to anyone or even 'wrong sense' to anyone... but it definitely make sense to me... if i'm able to figure everything out...

haha... make sense? it doesn't matter...

:)(:

2007-10-16T12:17:00.000+08:00

Help! i'm on the verge of going insane! everyone's gg thru the same thing... assignment n exam! i need to destress!!!

have been trying to keep my spirit high and positive... but i'm emotionally unstable... one tiny little thing can turn my mood upside down. i duno if i shuld let u out or control. i tink i need some fresh air... im gg out soon... to where? lib... -_-|||

2007-10-15T19:59:00.000+08:00

its Mon~ i've been doing my assignment the whole day~ slept at 2am plus... woke up at 8.30am.. haha silly ming ming giv me mrn call.. haha.. told him not to de.. anw, i watched High School Musical 2 while eating salad as my breakfast.. after tt spent the whole day do assignment.. till lunch time... had kimchi fried rice again.. tis time with garlic, onion and sesame oil... haha~ but its very spicy~~

after lunch, wanted to wash clothes de... but both block washing machines all used up... n u noe wat? its sunny today, n its freakin hot as compared with just ytd n the day be4! the weather here is so random~ but thx god summer's here~ hehehe~ came back to continue with my work all the way till dinner time... jus had my dinner... n i still got half way to go for my assignment! wats taking me so long!~?~~! i wanna finish it by to9! hope i can chiong all the way~~ i've been eating lots of snacks to keep me gg~ haha!

my life for now jus... slp, eat, study n eat den slp. everyday~ oh, n few toilet breaks, browse friendster, blog & webcam with ming. tts all! argghh~ everyday wishing i can put it thru n remind myself to be positive abt exams... still doing gd~ wish me luck!

:)(:

2007-10-14T18:55:00.000+08:00

arhh~ its sunday n theres no sch anymoree!!! yippy~ BUT... exam's here soon =(((

slept early last nite... abt 1am plus n u noe wat?? i woke up at 7.30am! thx to drunken ming ming... haha! but its ok~ i can start doin my sch work early, but i spent whole day just to finish my editorial. still got 1 more assignments to go~ gambatte! my 1st paper will b on 30th Oct~ fast fast.. i cant wait to enjoy 4 the rest of my life. wahaha! jus hope tt i hav the energy n drive til the end of exam... as expected i'll be havin mood swings thruout this period. hope i can make it thru~ *cross finger*

tonight's main course: hoki fish with lemon crumb, organic baby salad and homemade mashed potato! wahaha! nth better to do u noe... i muz learn how to spice up my life abit be4 drivin' crazy by my exam~

keep my spirits high and positive thruout this period ok?? :)(:

2007-10-06T18:05:00.000+08:00

it started all over again... i have to pick it up all over again... din understand why and how... it just happened again... is it something wrong with me? what is the problem that i cant see? can anyone show me? feelings i hide, problems i think, endless and unsolvable thoughts... its all coming back again... how will i handle this time? no... i haven't got an answer... perhaps alone will be better off...

i see myself as a double sided freak with an angel and devil in my mind that i cant think properly. i cant even understand myself. can u?

2007-10-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

2007-09-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

Jolin's latest album! 特務J ( AGENT J) i spend whole day looking thru the photos and videos... it's so cool!~ its like movie man... haha. got handsome guys too!~ would think its better to see the MV before listening to the songs... haha...

i've watched MV, the making of MV and her interview in Kang Xi Lai Le from websites n youtube... its great... i wanna buy her album... ask my mum to buy and send to me. haha! the dance is like 'Wow' fantastic!

2007-09-29T13:23:00.000+08:00

its sat! so fast! haiz... hvnt been doing any sch work! haiz... shall tink abt it later...

woke up at 12.45pm! so shua~ can jus wake up as n when i want... ate kimchi fried rice for brunch! haha i fried myself de! haha, very easy though... just rice n kimchi vegie. haha...

thur went back to city again... changed my optus recharge! ate crepes for brunch! haha, long time din eat it liao...

n i get to shop!!!! feel so gd to shop man... there's heaps of nice clothes... but kinda budget... clothes above $30 i dun buy. haha. but i bought 2 dresses n a mini skirt all at $19.95 each! a yellow casual dress which my frens n ming say looks like pajamas! anw, i loves the embroidery :p and a yellow mini skirt! but the weather still so cold la~ cant wear it yet... both from valley girl! the clothes there r really cheap! the other one not really a dress but i duno what's that call... its from sportgirl n its on sale! ming say looks like nurse uniform. -_-||| liked it very much thou... but... no chance to wear it too! hai... hate the weather here... varies alot in just one day. it can range from 9 to 22 deg! tell me what can i wear man.

ytd went to Red box with ying, lorraine n si yun. haha. it was fun! sang in the aftern from 3.30 to 7pm including 2 drinks n 1 snack. 3.5hrs only! not enough!!! dey very bad lor... time's up cut our song! but the milk tea very nice... snacks got tako yaki, spring roll n chicken wings! but like i said... its still not enough... bu gou shua. haha! after tt went to Safeway to buy some groceries... i dun care if i put on weight le la... jus a few months be4 i go back only... i jus buy watever snacks i like n eat it when i wan... hahaha! now my room got lot of food! n we still got a dozen of krispy kreme! wahaha!

im so sick of my hair... come to tink abt it i've kept at this length for like 4 yrs?! other den perm its straight all the way... wanna keep it longer den tt but its dry n brittle! always trim it back to the same length again... now alot of ppl cutting short their hair hor. really makes me wan to cut as well.. haiz. duno la... so sick of my life here tt i'm sick of myself too... cannot be bothered liao...

arrghh! jus wish that time will pass faster... meanwhile hope i got the mood n push to study for my final exam of my life! jia you!

:)(:

2007-09-26T21:55:00.000+08:00

so fast half of my holidays gone... lets see.. what have i done... hm.. sat: tulip festival... sun: slack at hm... mon: groceries... shopping... eat xiao long bao~~~ tue: erah's bday... went to Royal Melbourne Show... wed which is today: slept till 2pm! eat n watch Bourne!~

tml gg city again! i bought an invalid voucher for my prepaid credit! i bought it in the city somemore~! cheat my money~ gg to excharge tml... better change for me man... $30 lei! i hav to pay $6.30 jus to get to city! nvm... i shall shoppin tml!~ i wanna buy clothes~ n look for my mum's bday present.. hehe..

theres lots of events gg on in the city actually... but its quite far for me to get to the city... anw... wanna blog abt the Royal Melbourne Show... oh but be4 tt... i tried to make cheese cake! it wasnt that nice... probably cant get the ingredients rite... 1st we did not buy the butter for making cake, jus use the one for bread. haha. n theres no all purpose flour, got a cake mix but i tink tts the one affecting the taste... the cake was so sweet! anw, the fun part is... we did not have the food processor, the machine to mix the cheese, sugar, eggs etc... haha!~ we use manual - hands! haha!

Royal Melbourne Show was great! but we missed almost all of the shows!!!! we were late coz 1 group came late, another group went to buy last min bday present n we were on time but hav to wait for them so we walked ard in the city 1st... in the end we missed half of the day in the carnival! the entry fee is $17 each... but we missed almost all the shows!!!! tts really a waste man... but ok la... went there with frens anw...

the only thing i like abt this event is showbags!!! haha, its like a goodie bag... of coz we need to pay for it la... haha! they r all so nice!~

n yes! theres lots n lots of ppl! very crowded!

tts what we've got! :)

theres is like fun fair with all the ride but its extra charge so we din go n play... we walked ard... tts lots of stalls selling many different things... n i missed the pig race and dog show! haiz! but managed to see the dogs!! there r all so cute!!!

it's shitting! wahaha!

n many lots of them!

tts all folks!

:)(:

2007-09-23T13:24:00.000+08:00

very sian ar~~~~ study i also complain... too free i also complain... haha... life ar...

catching up with frens in msn now.. but no many ppl online.. arbo they are doing some other things reply slow or short... tts y i dun like msn! haha, anw... its better den nth...

anything to entertain me??? hahaha! i duno wat to do!~~~~~~

oh ya... the tulip farm was great~!!! loves the flowers...~

http://twinstars87.shutterfly.com/action/

:)(:

2007-09-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

yeah!!!! its HOILIDAY!!!!! i really need a break man... hehe...

just finish watching coffee prince! its very nice... everything... the actor and actress... plots and fashion etc... i love it... sad tt it ends le... haha...

now what? haha... duno what to do now... i've been stucking in my room for 2 days watching show. haha... i still wanna watch more... planning to watch HK show 'forensic heroes' haha...

tml gg to tulip farm!!!! hope i can relax n really enjoy myself tml!!!

:)(:

2007-09-20T07:54:00.000+08:00

life is so difficult w/o my family, ming n close friends...

i'm 'suffering' now... haven't had enough slp... trying to study for my test later... but i still cant focus! i'm merely reading n reading... i duno if anything goes in... n i only slept for 2 hrs... slept at 3am woke up at 5am... i really cant take it, went to sleep for another 30min only... now just woke up even more tired. felt tt my life is so screw up here!

i wish to be stronger, happier and better health...

pretending to be good, but i'm screaming inside... only angels can see and understand... but my angel is not here with me... i have to be my own angel...

2007-09-18T20:14:00.001+08:00

i've decided not to take driving test here anymore!!!! no point!!! i still have to take again in sg anw! haha, stupid rite? haiz... haha... nvm... i'll tk it as my experiences here!~ i still can driving with my L plate! hehe...

haiz... i'm still preparing for IMM mcq~~~~ i really got no kick n still got lot more to go! n i wanna continue to watch the show!!! feeling tired too... haiz... recently got no appetite... i tink i eat instant noodle eat until scare liao! haha... cooked porridge today! haha! feeling kinda unwell today or should say recently... both physically n mentally... nvm, after this week i'll recharge my energy n enjoy my life abit!! i wanna sing!~~~!!~~ yesh... jia you!!!

:)(:

2007-09-17T15:28:00.000+08:00

hi!!

i'm just gg to take some time off to blog abt my this korean show 'The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince'. i'm so sick of my life last weekends and i found this series show in DC++!!! super happy!!! i finished all my assignments asap so that i can watch it! hahaha! the show is very nice and funny. yun eun hye, the one who acted in 'Goong', she looks so cool in the show. haha... really act like a boy, damn funny! its a must watch!!!!

and she looked so cool in her new hair style. totally different style... mb i should cut tt short. haha! jk!

it definitely 'light' up my day... at least i got sth to look fwd to... thou i need to prepare my IMM MCQ which is on thur... haiz. nvm. after this week i got a week break!!! yesh! really gotta enjoy myself be4 studying for exams! very fast le wor~ this is my 10th week le... sch finish by 12th week and 1st paper on 30 oct! in 1 mth time~! another 1 mth i'll be meeting ming n my family n fly back to sg le!!!! yeah~~~ cant wait all these to happen man... i'm getting more n more excited and at the same time impatiently for the time to pass...

wish me luck!!!

2007-09-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

just had my dinner after my last entry... n i'm sitting in front of my com again... duno wat to do... lets see... i've got:

- seminar essay
- hup lit review
- imm mcq
- lab report

y cant i jus finish them asap?? y m i stuck? i got no drive or energy to do work... whats gg on in me? is tt all i can tink abt? what will i be doing if i'm in sg? with the same workload but with frens n family ard i tink i'll do better... i will have something to do to keep sch work out of my mind for awhile, really enjoy myself before doing work again... but here... nth... nth i can do to make me feel happy... seriously all i have is my room and my com... i need other stuffs to keep me alive. all these or so dead! haiz... i know it doesnt help by thinking sth tt is not gg to be happen... but seriously what can i do here??????????????

ming is working very hard for our future he said... haha... he is working very hard to earn more money to enjoy when he comes to aussie... thank u dar... thank u so so so so much... u did so many things for me... even when we are distance apart... u even rem to write story for me every 13th of the month! im so touched. n all i can think and do now is my studies... which is what i'm here for but i'm not doing it well... erm... mentally... i got no drive and mood for studies. what we can only do now is webcam and talk on phone... which i'm already quite happy abt it... w/o u i duno wat will happen to me here... i love talking to u at the end of the day... i feel more relax and u make my day not as bad as i tot... but sumtimes i would prefer u to be by my side... no need to say anything... just let me lie on ur shoulder or ur tummy n watch tv or doing nth i also happy. haha... but now that you are working... i cant talk to u as n when i wan... but its okies... we will still talk be4 slp... thank u dar... jia you wor! dun tired urself k? i miss u so so so so much!!

:)(:

2007-09-14T18:10:00.000+08:00

duno what happen to my pic in my old blog... cant see the ger anymore. sad. so i decided to change... din really hav the time to choose n edit till nice nice... so tis wat i have so far... hmm...

i duno wat to say abt the past few days... life here is getting tougher... struggling alot within myself. alot of tings went thru my mind... i duno where to begin... probably update again when i clear my mind...

as for right now... i just woke up not long ago! haha. slept at 4am ytd! its fri today... another weekends ahead... meaning its getting nearer to deadline for assignments n mcq mid exam! haiz... i tink i'm losing energy liao... i dun hav the drive to do work anymore... haiz... tts very bad! its last sem liao! few months to go n tts it! but my engine is dyiing liao... haiz! its very frustrated at times when i dun hav the mood to do work, forcing myself to do doesn't make it gd. haiz! worst of all... i have no life at all!!! at all!!!!!!!! everyday sch sch sch sch sch!!! arrgghh! its driving me crazy! tts no place for me to relax... i wanna go cwp, i wanna go party world, i wanna sit on sofa n watch tv, i wanna sanyang nicole whenever i feel stress or sad, i wanna meet up with frens jus to hang out, eat sing or whatever, i wanna meet ming at every end of the day n tell him watever things tt is gg on during the day, i wanna sing sing sing, i wanna vent vent vent! i'm so tied up here! i'm not myself at all! i duno even noe myself at times... its like i'm zombie or sth... dead...

i miss old times... i misses alot of tings. i wanna do alot of tings. i wanna cut my hair. but i dun dare to cut short here. i jus cut my hair thou... at a korean hair studio... jus trim it... more layer but she cut until my fringe damn short and my hair now become very thin!!!!! watever... i dun care so much anymore... im lifeless now... nth ever matter... haiz...

i miss my home... i wan my life back!!!!!!!!!

its really hard for me to live my life recently... feel lost at times... n worst of all i cant express it out... i am so different n i duno wat to do... alright... gotta drag myself to do things again...

hope it will be better...

:)(:

2007-08-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

haha... ok... just a quick one...

jus webcam with my mum n ming... he went to my hse... to collect his stuffs n bathe nicole~ wahaha!

hehe, so happy to see my hse, my mum n bro n nicole~ hehe... ming say she lose weight liao coz mum only feed her once in a day... hahaha! how i wish i can lie on the sofa n watch tv~~~~~ hai~~

tis few weeks ive been really busy with sch work... just finished 3 MCQs... n results so fast out liao... pretty gd... but hoping to get better thou... haha... as always... now i got another report due tml! hopefully i can slp early tonight... still got driving lesson tml! haiz... felt tt i kinda waste money on the driving lessons here... damn... shall not remind myself anymore...

oh well... nth much to update abt my life recently... jus sch work...

fel ar... where hav u been ar? din hear from u le lei.... talk to me too!!!

haha... tts all folks~

counting down to sauming's bday... 4 more days... hehe... hopefully my parcel will rch on time~

:)(:

2007-08-25T12:56:00.000+08:00

feelin damn freakin pek cek now! arrrgghh!!!!!!!!!!

i slept for 12 freakin hrs!!!!!! its 3pm now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn it~

i suppose to woke up at 9.30 do study n do my stupid work! damn i slp like a pig in my room. everyone tot im awake summore!~~~~ arrghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-17T20:28:00.000+08:00

this post is specially dedicated to Mr. Goh Sauming, dog. hahaha!

i just hang up the phone with him. stupid skype cant use... i was very fed up the whole day for not doing any work while others have already started. felt like im too slack again... but i also got no mood to do... n i still wan to work hard some more n wat i've done is totally opposite of what i want... tts what make me even more pek cek....

but den this ming ming do alot of stupid b funny expression n noise... make me laugh non stop again.... haha... he can change super fast lor... one moment can be very sweet, the other moment very fierce. and he still scold me bad words!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha~

he is one nice, sweet n cute little guy... but he always dun hav confidence in himself...

hehe... happy to see this post??!?!?!?!

dun say i din mention abt u huh~ ;P

2007-08-17T16:32:00.000+08:00

ops, im here to blog again... im really bored at hm la... despite the work load... haiz... if im in sg i'll be meeting ming de... oh mb not now coz he is in the middle of exam... haha...

well i jus wanna share my tots... its very hard to hav a listener... blog is the best place for my own flow of tots n reflection of myself when i read it again... i m my own listener... :)

i tink its just psychology... ppl tends to feel better when some1 understands or know exactly how it feels... just like listening to a song that sang out lyrics of ur tots... just like reading tarot cards... it trigger my own tots n subconscious state of mind... or i just deceiving and consoling myself? haha...

how you feel about yourself now (The Hanged Man)

You feel a little confused and perhaps fearful because you sense or know that there is someone or something you need to give up to be able to move on. This self-sacrifice isn’t always clear - you may not even know quite what or whom you should give up. This is a time of passage from one phase of your life to another and The Hanged Man can signify a time of spiritual development too. Perhaps you need to try and look at things from a different perspective.

i duno how i should spent the rest of my semester... should i sacrifice enjoyment for studies? how hard should i studies? i have to set my mind if i choose to work hard for my studies. looking at different perspective - mb i should enjoy n work hard for studies at the same time, need not sacrifice anything, just that i have to learn how to balance both of it at the same time.

what you most want at this moment (Wheel Of Fortune)

The cards suggest karen, that what you most want at this time is a turning point in your life and positive change - well expect it now. Life will go up a gear or two and events will accelerate forward. Destiny is at play here - have you noticed a number of events that seem rather a coincidence? This is synchronicity, trust it and go with the flow.

yes, i always wanted a change in my life. i always feel something is not enough but i don't know what is it. i don't feel too much or too low emotions... neither very happy nor very sad. like some part of my is numb... i don't know what to expect out of myself or i should say i don't know or accept my limitations. haha but whats my destiny? i don't see any sign lei. mb i just go with the flow... keep blurring myself.. haha.

your fears (The Star)

You are fearful of the future and rather lacking in self-belief - you are afraid your hopes will be dashed. Well don’t be, this is your wish card - a time of joy and fulfillment. Good health, possibly after a time of illness, and good fortune that will give you a new zest of life. If considering a new love affair, new job or career, or travel, then go for it. You may also receive a gift or gifts!

yes! i scare i put too much effort n hope but the result doesn't turn out to be the way i expected! lacking self-belief, i don't what is enough... just keep trying blindly... or playing safe... i just wish that i could score well for my semester 2... i nv knew i could score distinctions n now after sem1 i expecting more from myself... is this what i want to fulfill in my life or i just afraid of losing? and what will i lose if i don't get my fulfillment? my limitations?

what is going for you (Judgement)

Brand new potential, an opportunity which once given must not be ignored, a new project, decision or relationship that could affect the rest of your life. You will enjoy success and enjoyment for past efforts, events will pick up a pace and the outcome will be quicker than expected.

ya... mb i should continue trying my best w/o worrying what the results may be. (but its so hard not to worry esp for me!!) its a very gd opportunity to come aussie n study and for only 1 yr to get a degree. i should enjoy my life here and maintain my results... ya... hope time will pass faster than i expected and everything will fall back into places...

what is going against you (The World)

As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays - stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.

ya lor! i always got lots of UNNECESSARY fears and worries. haha my delays is slacking and lacking behind of my expectation? ya... mb i should have more confident n keep aiming high. at most i fall real hard and go crazy and unhappy about myself if i don't success lor. haha!

outcome (The Lovers)

Love is coming into your life even if you really can’t see where from at this time. If you are on your own a new lover will soon enter your life. If you are in an unhappy relationship you have a choice to make - go with your heart, take the risk, greater happiness is ahead of you.

haha no! im in a happy relationship now. mb i need to have more faith and confident in it. i still cant give in totally... i'm not crazing drowning in word of love... but i am true n faithful to u. i couldn't be happier w/o u... time will tell... how stable our relationship will be... hehe... more to come k... there is nth i can do (except webcamming with u) but to look fwd to the day that u will come find me... :)

haha... see la. time for dinner liao... haha! i gotta really put my heart into my sch work later!

:)(:

2007-08-17T15:12:00.000+08:00

i hope i did well for my IMM MCQ exam... u mus be tinking MCQ only rite? not so easy ok? haha... i spent quite alot of time jus studying this stupid MCQ, mb coz its the 1st exam ppr... skip 1 lect for my core unit again... now all other units are lacking behind... haiz... HUP MCQ, 2 assignments due nx week!~~~

i tink i'll be blogging more abt my studies le. no more fun~ i mus remind myself abt studies studies studies!! i hav to focus man... i dun feel as stress as compared to last sem... is it gd or bad ar? i really scare tt im slacking this sem lei... haiz wat to do...

ytd went for a mini late national day celebration in school! its organized by SAM (Singapore association of Monash). haha... thou we are not members from the club, this is the 3rd event we joined... 1st is ski trip 2nd is the monash multicultural night. n now already sem2 la~!~ anw, its sg style bbq... suppose to have satay de~ but only got chicken wings, fried noodle n rice, sambal sotong n prawns, veggie curry... n pizza... haha. we pay only 4bucks so cant expect much too... oh, n ying won the NDP goodie bag~ haha! n i got the star shape light from her. hehe. :) the lounge is so small la~ cant really watch the NDP show... so we, the RP girls... (haha, like very proud if it) sat outside n start gossiping~ haha... n yes~ most of us put on alot of weight la! n we were talking about our eating habits~ someone say got oil in the air~ n we r munching oily air~ haha. no meaning... anw... my senior put on 6kg last yr~ she say will lose weight during summer n back in sg... hopefully.. haha... n i need to start eating healthily liao... gg to buy more veggie salad n fruits! n no more musli bar for me! n tink tts wat contributed to me weight!

oh n we were talking abt further studies too... she say it will be wise to go for Masters if cant get into Hons~ thou Hons only 1 yr but there are diff classes, more competitive n stress.. Masters is a 2 yr course n with Bachelors w/o Hons also can get it~ wow... haha... sounds pretty interesting n easy huh... haha. i tink only apply in aussie ba.. in sg dun tink so easy lor... well i need to double check too... but my plan is still gg back sg n work 1st... hehe...

ai ya... talk so much.. now is still the most critical period rite??? i still in my sem 2 only... how i wish it will end soon... but hav to go thru another round of exams again... wat m i thinking? cant be so slack le! wake up wake up!!!! i've been slping alot noe... ytd slept for 7hrs... go for 1 hr lecture... i start dozing off again!!!!! argh~ after lunch i go back to slp again! haiz... woke up at 4pm... as usual i tink become routine n my only past time is to sit infront of the com... browsing friendster n blog... i tink is the only way to keep in touch n noe wats gg on with friends in sg... haiz... but i dun like to go on MSN... haha.

i miss ming, my family n frens once in awhile... :( sometimes msg, call or webcam jus isnt enuff.. if u noe wat i mean...

oh oh... n jus 1 more ting be4 i end... theres a new born bird, a chick near our house! its plover bird... n its super cute~ think still cant fly n keep loitering around our area. but the worse part is... it has 2 super noisy n protective parents... but its amazing how protective they are. one will stay on the ground n follow the chick to where ever it goes... one will stay high, either on trees or building to watch the surrounding... when we walk pass the chick, the one on the ground will make noise at us n spread out its wing to protect the chick behind it~ n the other one will flew down n watch over the chick~ OMG~ isnt it amazing!? haha...

ok... gg back to do my sch stuffs liao -_-|||

:)(:

2007-08-13T00:07:00.001+08:00

OMG!~ driving me crazy to read so many journals man~~ was doing research assignment... the whole day!!!!! read n read n read n read! the more i read the more confuse i get... after all the reading there is no aim for my topic! how to start sia... damn... duno if i've wasted my time not... in the end i emailed the researcher... hopefully she will reply, if not im screw~~~

ok... tink i do too much liao.. need to get away from it...

guess i slack too much liao la~ duno how to start with my sch work... n nx wk i got Immunology MCQ! mus really study liao... haiz...

2007-08-11T17:25:00.000+08:00

tis week i've not been doing any sch work at all! feeling so guilty~ tue - groceries, wed - Alfred hospital for honors projects talk, thur - chadstone to shop for their clothes for friday. fri - monash multicultural night.

but yest was great too~ it was at the international of brighton.. very high class sia... haha... took lots n lots of photos~! n its so cold to wear dress in winter! i wore 2 stocking~ shh.. :x haha... n it looks so white la... coz only 1 color... ang mo skin fairer ma... haha...

the food ok ok only... looks nice... but the main course... grilled lamb is so stiff n hard to chew!! theres lucky draw n some performances... the belly dancers are sexy man... haha... playing with candles n took lots of photos~

i really cant dance man... when the stage is open at the end of the dinner... alot of ppl dance at the floor... so we join lor... but i jus cant dance no matter wat the song is... i enjoyed the songs but i jus cant move with it man... haha... everyone is moving n dancing away im like trying to get along but very stiff n dead -_-|||

worst still... gg to club seven... tts lots of ppl! can see everyone is enjoying themselves... but im like.. eh ok... hmm... haha... in the end sit at the corner looking after clothes of others... great... sit there for like half an hour for them to play enough n come back... den we went out to look for night rider home... lucky still can catch tram at 1am plus~ n find our way to look for night rider in the city... tts lots of weird ppl on the road... really weird... anw... journey hm was like 1hr? finally reach hm at 4am... talk to ming on phone... while im really tired n half awake le... finally slept at 5am plus...

n today... slept til 1pm plus! cook mee for lunch with dumplings~ yummy... i like the jiu cai~ haha... after tt... upload photos n talk to ming on webcam... blog n tidying my room... basically do everything other den studies! haiz..... from nx week i'll be having MCQ exam n assignments due dates every week til sept!!!!!! come to tink of it will make me stress! dun hav the mood to study yet... damn... i scare i'll lose out man... i mus keep up with my results... tts wat makes me even more stress n slack at the same time... haha, if u noe wat i mean...

alright, guess i need to bathe n prepare for dinner now... n den worry abt studies ba... :(

Monash Multicultural Night:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2088715506

2007-08-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

this few weeks have been quite happening for me... lets see...

ski trip... we left on thur nite or shuld say fri mrn at 3am~ try to slp on the bus... its damn cold... slept only 3 hrs... have 1 toilet break cum breakfast at Mac... den continue our journey to falls creek! finally rch there after 7hrs of bus ride~ its so hard to walk on the snow with our normal walking shoes... some is thick n others slippery...

once we unload our bags... we went to hire equipments n prepare to ski~ there's beginner lesson at the top of the mountain~ n we hav wear our ski gears up... haha... yenshan tried to ski down the slope for the 1st time... haha, she duno how to stop, bang to other ppl... damn funny~

the 1st day i still duno how to turn left n right~ keep dashing down the slope~ n fell a couple of times~ its so hard to get up by myself... haha... so embarrassing! after lesson we keep trying on our own down n up the slope to learn how to turn by ourselves... 1st day fail~ :p

2nd day:
before lesson go ski again. tis time we even tried the ramble before knowing how to turn~ scary for the 1st time... keep falling too! n gg very fast... not really enjoying. we took ski lift up to the top again... :)

2nd day instructor is so much better la~ finally i can turn down the slope slowly! hahaha... den he took us to the wombat ramble... is one of the course down the slopes. its fun when u get to learn how to ski properly w/o falling down~ the turning keeps us in slow speed so tt we wun dash down the slope n fall! finally~ haha... after lesson we tried to ski down again~

very fast we need to return the equipments on the 2nd day le... abit shu bu de... still wan to ski more... anw... the food provided in the lodge is great! yummy~~~ 3 course meal for dinner~ wow... its really like we r living in aussie home... the place is great! n all international students... alot of singaporean... can speak in broken english with la n lor with them~ haha... n it was fun to play taboo with them too! we actually understand each other 'broken language'! haha damn funny... of coz there r some spoiler with attitude prob in the game... act proud n bossy.. so i dun wish to play anymore n went back to slp~ :)

3rd day:
before leaving we went around to take photos n buy souvenirs. theres snowball fight! haha... n ppl building snowman too~ had a great ski trip with them... tink we enjoied more with 'our ppl' as in singaporean ba... feel more close esp in oversea... haha...

got minor muscle ache... n the nx day is mon, we need to go sch liao :(

Ski trip @ Falls Creek:
http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2088899830

2007-08-02T15:20:00.000+08:00

haha, im here again... hav been blogging quite a few times recently huh... hm...

im gg to falls creek for skiing later at 2.15am! haha, its 7 hrs ride there... gg to slp on the bus. will be back on sunday evening~~~ :)

hate myself for dozing off during lectures again... haiz... i tink i need more den 7 hrs of slp~! feel tired n hungry easily... n i put on 3 kg of weight! im 43kg now!!! haiz... wonder where the 3kg goes... pray its not my tummy!~~~

finally i hav sth interesting gg on for my lab... dissecting rat! not done by me of coz... poor rat... its so active be4 overdosing with anesthetic. den... the demonstrator cut open its abdomen... all the organs spill out... n still can see the heart pumping! we are doing perfusion fixation actually... but im not gg thru the details with ya now... picture says it all... haha... so here u go...

.................

this is to fel: haha, rcv ur msg le! thx for ur 'so long den reply' updates~ all the best for ur agency n driving! haha... oh ya, now short hair in fashion ar... y so many ppl cut their hair short~ update ur blog n pics be4 i forgets how "beau..." ehh.. hmm... "...tiful" u look like ok? wahaha...

i'll update more after my ski trip!~

:)(:

2007-07-31T21:08:00.000+08:00

i din really shop today~~ haiz... sian-ed!!! no time... was looking all over for skii gloves... shops close at 5pm! haiz... nvm... i will go for shopping again... jus duno when... anw... finally watched Transformers... great show man~~ very action n cool~ its so much worth den The Simpsons Movie la... haha...

something for me to reflect on:

"Watch out for being too arrogant or letting that ego of yours get over inflated, nobody likes a know it all. Watch that temper too, aggressive bullying behaviour will only set you back. The Hermit signals a warning not to make hasty decisions."

yes, i admitted that i have a very short and bad temper. i have been wanting to change but it is really hard when the feeling just overtake me. i cant think right when im irritated or angry, anger words or actions just came out before i could think. i need time to cool down man... if anyone finds me irritated, just stay away from me... remind me n talk to me nicely after i cool down... haha... but i guess im not arrogant, just that i have my very own n strong thoughts... i dun give in easily unless i really feel the same way... mb tts y ppl feel it hard to talk to me or i dun bother to explain further if im been misunderstood or the way i talk is very straight fwd n firm. well... guess tts the way i am now... whether like it or not... even myself... have been thinking of the person i am now... i not so sure anymore... neither do i hav anyone to double check with... haha... just hope tt im not over doing it... n not giving ppl bad impression... but sometimes i really like to do things alone... i feel more me n happy... ya... mb i'll be better if im in sg right... haha... anw, i hav to live with it now... whether i like it or not... coz this pathway i chose one rite? haha...

:)(:

2007-07-30T08:31:00.000+08:00

the driving instructor is so sickening! 1st, he is late... always~ 2nd, he doesnt give clear instructions, 3rd, he is so rude n strict... talk as thou i made a huge mistake or im really bad and lousy, din give any face at all, wan to talk me down. i tot i did something tt will result in immediate failure, but no, tt only worth 1 pt... im still learning their rules man... oh~ 4th he is always on the phone!!!!!! he give instruction last min one!~ damn him man... make me feels so demolished. 5th, he is money face!~ he is so eager la, i was waiting for him to put down phone be4 i pass the money to him, i had my wallet out le, but stra8 away after he hang up he said ' u hvnt pay me for the lesson' damn la!~!!!!!!~~~!!~~ argghh~~~~

am i really fated not to hav driving license? 1st i failed manual in sg... 2nd, my stupid PDL thingy makes me delay me driving test here. still tot tt i hav a gd chance to get my license here, n after 6mth i can convert to sg license w/o taking any test again. who knows the test i booked earlier on clashes with my lab which i can't miss. now i hav to postpone my driving test til 1 oct!!!!!!!!!! meaning more money spend on my driving lessons!!!!!! again!!!! haiz... after all these things tt happened, i felt tt i spent too much money on it. from the start i was tinking of saving money~ but now i spend more den i expected! damn... wats the worse tt can happen? fail my driving test here??? haiz...

ok... i shall put it behind... gg out soon for my lectures~ this week is 'buck up week'! haha, i need to buck up on my studies!!!

:)(:

2007-07-28T20:27:00.000+08:00

so fast another week has passed... nx week is my 3rd week of sch liao~ haiz... hvnt been focusing on studies lei... have been dozing off in lectures... if not miss half the the lecture due to lab... thou its only just the beginning of semester 2... but im scare of losing out... scare i cant score as well as in semester 1... have been wanting to start work early n listen to audio lectures... but just... not the right mood to focus... haiz...~~~

duno y... recently i get slpy n hungry easily~ haha...

i'll always tink of the same 1 qn when im bored - 'what will i be doing at this time if im in singapore?' oh! i even tot of gg to ktv out of sudden! if im in sg, i can jus call up my frens n go to civil centre~ its so near my hse la, feeling come n go liao. haha, but here... haiz...............................

if im in sg now instead of aussie, i tink i will be happier n more comfortable n most imptly be myself... thou it may appear to be more 'freedom' here... sometimes i feel restricted. i cant express freely... sometimes i behave not like myself... just feel uneasy... mb tts y sometimes i rather be alone... n my mind keep wondering off in my own dreamland... la~ la~ la~ la~ everytime i feel troubled, i'll tink to myself... tink n find solution n console myself. but this makes me 'unstable'... do stupid things and lost my temper easily... i noe tts not gd.. tts y i better fill my mind with sch work... which im trying to do now... ya... t r y i n g...

oh well, enuff of tt tot of mine again...

ah~ theres once... i bought sour plums from chinatown in the city... wah... very ex lor~ A$2.80 per 100g... i bought it anw coz i got the craving for sour plums!~ here everything is so ex lor, always need to crack my head as to buy it or not. i even tot of saving money n not spending money to buy 'unnecessary stuffs'. but who cares~ if tt makes my happy den y not? since its so hard for me to feel happy here... plus i've been thinking... nx time after graduate i'll be working n pay for my own loan... tk it as i spend 1st n pay later lor~ :) see wat i mean by tinking to myself? thou its jus simple everyday tasks but wouldn't it be nice to hav some1 to share n talk to abt the tings i have in mind?

haiz, i drift off into my own tots again... anw... i was here to blog abt my 'exciting' life de...

ok... today is the 2nd outing with ALMOST all the RP gers... but still got ppl fail to meet on time n some dun even turn out AGAIN. oh watever... doesnt matter to me anw... so... we went to The Glen... bought tickets for The Simpsons Movie 1st using movie vouchers... saved $1.50! see, all of us budget sia... haha... anw, after tt we went to a chinese restaurant - selling dumplings!~ the fried dumplings n xiao long bao are so much better den the one i eat in the city!!!!! n i still not full after the lunch... feel like eating more de... haha nvm... will come again. i'll bring my family here to eat! went to look for ski gears like goggle and gloves... haha, cant find gloves of my size... gg to look for one in chadstone nx wk!~ hopefully can shop abit... i need retail therapy soon! if not i'll feel uneasy~~ anw, The Simpsons Movie, is very lame n stupid but is really hilarious~ kinda not worth to watch here coz it cost A$10!~ i can actually download it from DC++... haha. but its worth to watch it with so many frens...

ya lor... tts all for today lor... got hm quite early... so cooked sardines and scrambled egg for dinner... a fast n simple meal... oh! n kimchi!~ haha... we bought 1kg of kimchi to share~ (: webcam with ming for a while only... coz he was doing his proj n gg out soon to meet his fren who has jus booked out... now im alone in my room wondering wat to do nx... haha...

tts all folks!~ I MISS SINGAPORE, MY FAMILY, MING, N FRENS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007-07-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

today is the 2nd day of sch... so far so gd... back to study life le... feeling kinda sian n moody... i mus keep up with my results... marked down all the submission dateline on my calendar... gotta forget abt the slacking n do watever when i feel like it attitude n try to focus on sch work le... yes... i can do it again just like last sem... which hav just passed... half of my journey to go! :)(:

Forecast for Tuesday evening
Showers. Local hail and thunder, with snow settling on nearby hills above about
500m. Fresh and gusty west to southwesterly wind.

yes! n it happened! i din see snow but there is hail! small droplets of ice from the sky!~ haha. we were like 'sua ku' kids running out of our house n let the small pellet of ice to hit us~ but it was funny actually... haha...

:)(:

2007-07-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

haha, another happy day...

i finally finish the korean drama... hav to slp early to9, if not i duno how to wake up early when sch reopen... tts wat ming ming say de... but he himself also slp late. :p

rcv e-letter from my family... hehe... they nv fail to surprise me...

Yo. Special request by Dad and Mum. Ask me to send this to you. Haha, it's a letter for you. And I helped to type this out =p edited it too =x Don't worry, just edited the grammer mistakes... Hehe, you want a letter from me too? Wahaha. Anyway, I put in microsoft word too so that you can save it in your com or print it out or something. Very good right? Jiayou over there arh! Dun slack like my RP friends =p. K, see ya next time. Peace.

"=ZuYou="

Yanlin,

Glad to know that you did well in your studies, congratulations! When I was in part-time poly, I used to score 3 distinctions in a row, therefore my nickname is “3D” and with this nickname, I never struck “4D” in lottery, then “sway”.

It is good that you have set a good example for Zu You and Zu Xiang to follow. Dad is not rich enough to give you a good life forever, but enough for your education. Please keep it up.

You would receive your first degree at age 21, dad got it a age 30, you made it 9 years ahead of me. You would be lucky to look for a good job during the prospered year 2008, I had to make my hard earn salary during the 1986 recession, the next year, we got the first kid, that was you.

Cheers!

Regards,

Dad & Mum

they are so sweet~ cant wait to see them again! love them so so so so much! they make me feel so lucky. i hope i wun disappoint them in the future...

Jia you!

:)(:

2007-07-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

OMG, i'm so happy i can smile to myself now... haha... i'm so happy i wanted to share it... the first thing i do is to call ming... haha but he is in the middle of a movie... haha, nx i called my mum! haha...

i got 1 bad and 1 gd news... i asked my mum to pick one to say 1st... haha... luckily she pick the bad news 1st... the bad news is... i got fine of AUS$158 for putting my feet on the seat in the train! haha, watever... who knows aussie government also like sg got so many fine... i tot sg is a fine country but i din get any back then... now im here in aussie got fine! haha, how lucky i am...

anw... heres the gd news... hehehe... i scored all Distinctions for my units! yes, even for my cores! wahaha... i nv knoe the feeling of scoring Ds until now... becoz RP dun hav this kind of system... the 1st time i got my D grade for my assignment here, i tot i just pass or sth... haha!

its very spooky to talk abt getting results... i was on my way home with my frens, we went to watch Harry Potter, its wasnt as exciting den i expected... anw, on our way home, we were talking abt getting results... as i was speaking abt this system tt the sch will sms our results to our hp, i kind of dun like tt idea but i registered for it anw, i hate knowing my shitting results when i'm in a middle of doing sth happy... as we were discussing abt it... my hp rang... den my other frens... we were like... stunted... haha, its our results!!!!! haha, i dun hav the courage to see it... i wait till rch hm, settle down den see... haha...

luckily i hav dis gd news, if not i duno how to tell my parents abt the bad news... haha... my mum say nvm abt the fine... just take it as a lesson... phew~ haha!

i'll now go back n continue to watch my korean drama 'delightful girl choon hyang'!

:)(:

2007-07-10T14:41:00.000+08:00

ok... i'm trying to make myself to appreciate my 'exciting' life here...

but frankly, no matter how 'exciting' life is... i'm only enjoying half of it... another half i'm wondering off thinking abt how nice it would be if my loved ones were here to share it with me... be it my family, ming or frens in sg... i think i learnt to appreciate the times i have with them... no matter how simple or boring places we go... esp just walking ard cwp, sit down anywhere just for chit chat or just watching tv... i miss this simple life...

anw, since i'm here... i'll make full use of my time too... mb when i think back abt my study life in aussie... ya... i still got some excitements happening here... haha...

so after a few days of slacking at home... we went to the city on sun n healesville sanctuary on mon...

went to explore other side of city... instead of shoppin... we look for markets. haha... not those wet market tt sell fishes n meat but market that sells flowers, fruits, house ware n even some clothes... oh ya... not forgetting food! i had my favorite lamb curry there! hehe... that is South Melbourne Market...

after that went to The Esplanade market and Lunar Park at st kilda... The Esplanade market sells art n craft stuffs... some own design bags and accessories... kinda ex too... haha... so din get anything for myself... bought a customize bracelet with name on it for my fren's bday gift at $20...

as we walk along the market... we saw rainbow! haha... nice scenery huh... with sea and coconut trees... haha... anw, we went into Lunar Park... its the only theme park found in Melbourne... its like Escape in Singapore... but of coz it is better den Escape. haha... but its also design for kids... no thrilling rides... admission is fee... but per ride is at $7... and unlimited at $35... their roller coaster... scenic railway... is very retro sia... tracks are made from woods, and there is a staff STANDING in the middle of the train, PULLING BRAKE when the roller coaster goes down. haha... cool rite...

since we were there... we went to the beach... n watch the sun set... haha... pardon me but we saw an indian couple kissing from daylight to dusk... haha...

anw, after sunset we went back to the city for dinner... haha guess what... the only restaurant that opens after 7pm is this Chinese restaurant Chilli Padi... we went there be4, price WAS resonable... but this time we went... they increase their price... haha... after sitting down looking at the menu, we decided to leave... haha wun be coming back le ba... haha. end up we went to Hungry Jack's its actually Burger King... ya... what a day in the city... haha...

ytd... we went to one of the 3 zoo in Melbourne... Healesville sanctuary is slightly out of Melbourne... we took bus, train and bus again to get to that place... its more located at a small village place... no tall buildings or shopping centres... total journey abt 2 hrs? we woke up very early like 6.30 am ar! haha... anw... there we saw lots of wildlife animals in aussie... as usual... kangaroo and koala haha... and others like platypus, wombats (which looks like pig but with fur, haha), wallaby (small version of kangaroo), Tasmanian Devils (erm, look like big rats?) and the Birds show is spectacular, with birds flying low just above our heads!

thats Tassie Devils on the bottom left and Wallaby on the bottom right...

we went to visit the Wildlife Hospital too... saw the operation process they did on parrot and also saw a baby kangaroo in the nursery room!

for a moment makes my wanna to be a vet... but haiz... i din take up vet course so its impossible. anw... we were being attack by this stupid bird, pelicans! it really hates human huh? i was video-ing how this stupid bird wobble its flabby 'mouth' n it flap its wings n run towards me! n i even record the process of 'escaping' n screaming of us la! haha... very dumb...

haha, i guess tt is it for 'wildlife' experience... haha... it was sun set again while on the way back... on the bus... i saw sunset again... this time the background are mountains and grass... its a nice scenery too... but i lazy to take out my cam... haha... and fall aslp while enjoying the scenery...

everytime i'm at home... i'll dl movies to watch... so far i've watched fifth element, face off, and series of american pie. oh ya... did i mention that i went to watch a movie Knocked up? haha, its a funny show... not bad for laughter... haha...

now left FEW days before i know my results which is on Fri the 13th. how gd is tt? haha... i guess that's all folks!

:)(:

2007-07-07T13:38:00.000+08:00

something that my dad wrote... its so sweet... n funny... haha.

Dear Yanlin,

Hope you enjoy what you have 'so far'. Yes, you are so far away from home, far away from us. But we love you.

Is still can remember the first time i saw you came out of the delivery room at Toa Payoh Hospital, a small baby placed between mum's leg, smiling at me. The first time i am somebody's dad, what a glad feeling.

You had grow up girl, one day you would be somebody's mum, and life go on. We live not only for ourselves, but more for someone we love.

We miss you dear.

Mum and Dad
27.6.07

It really makes me wan to cry when i 1st read it... I love them too. I'm grateful to have them...

:)(:

2007-07-06T21:00:00.000+08:00

just came back from Gold Coast few days ago... took tons of photos! haha. overall was ok... fun n enjoyable... but find that the rides aren't really as 'thrilling' as i expected. haha... i love the beach there... sunset is beautiful!~ it is easier to get ard actually... public bus can bring us to anywhere... theme parks n shopping malls. basically there is only 1 main road... Gold Coast Highway... haha! well... nth much to say abt... picture says it all... :)(:

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2090222074

have been slacking these few days... staying at home... sad that i can't use the mobtv thingy tt fel gave me... :( i think is my connection here... haiz... anw, the fun part is~~~ i got my hair highlighted!~ DIY~ haha... bought the highlight kit for $13.50... haha budget ma... but end up it wasnt tt bad! haha... got fren help of coz... can't do it alone... haha... we started at ard 11pm n end at 1am!~ haha... i left it more than the stated timing... n some of my hair get bleach til blonde! but lucky it hide inside... hehe... here u go...

left 1 more week be4 sch reopen... what should i do????? just went chadstone to shop today... for once i dun like to shop... coz dun wanna spend anymore money... have enough of winter clothes... not much choices of clothes to wear in winter, once the outer coat is wore, everything looks the same no matter what i wear inside! haha... anw, winter sale is coming... so fast spring is coming???? anw, i'm hoping summer to come... got more clothes to wear n by the time my family n ming ming will be here le!!! i really cant wait for end of year... but come to tink of it... i still got 1 more exam be4 i can end my study life... haiz... think i better off think abt what to do for the rest of the holiday ba... haha...

have been staying up late recently... slept at ard 3 to 4am... haha... i better turn in early... update again soon...

i miss my family, ming ming n frens in sg~~~~!!!!~~~~ not forgetting the food too!~~ hahahaha :)(:

2007-06-17T13:11:00.000+08:00

just finished 3 of my papers... 1 more to go... that 3 days were nightmares... din really slp well. cant slp anw... too stress~! study all the way... slept for 2 to 3 hrs... cork up my circadian clock. study at nite n slp in the afternoon... having serious headache... ate lots of panadol... depression... cant relax. n no motivation to study but die die hav to memorise... think i did badly for my core units... but anw, its all over~...

enjoyed 3 days be4 studying for the very last paper which is on fri... haha... n straight away after exam i slept for more den 12 hrs straight! woke up at 3pm... haha... went to Kmart... jus walk ard n did abit of groceries... went to chinese restaurant... haha tts its name btw, run by hongkongean i think... all speak canto... frens went there to eat pig jelly porridge... its pig's blood... eerrkk... but i had fish porridge. its delicious... very chinese food... misses sg... haha...

nx day i went to book my driving test which is in Aug~ but its too late to convert to sg licence liao.. hav to take private when i go back to sg... i'll jus get aussie licence here so tt i can drive at the end of the year when my family come to find me... wow cant wait.. hehe... n we went to chadstone for shoPPing~~~~ haha... bought lots of stuffs... but its not all mine.. i bought everyone in my family a gift~ hehe... its so excited to shop for gifts for others... but its really headache coz duno wat to get for them... Anw i got tee shirt for ming n zuxiang... its only 10 bucks each... n a semi formal top for my dad~ its only $4.80 coz the 2nd piece has 70% discount! 70%!~~~ its crazy man. haha.. a necklace for zuyou... at $2 only. haha... also sale... n my mum a watch at $20. n of coz stuffs for myself too~ a top n finally bought a black skinny pant! had subway for lunch n lamb kebab for dinner! cant get enuff of subway man.. its the cheapest nicest food here... n lamb kebab... yuummyyy.... i love~ lamb~ hahaha! its really winter time, we went home ard 8pm, n it was foggy outside. as if we were in a very big freezer. hahaha. !

and the nx day, which is ytd... i had my driving lesson.. haha finally i noe how to park parallel w/o pole!!! hahaha... n i spent less den 1 hr for tt. haha... oh n be4 tt, went to this place call sui's delight... selling msia n sg food... its bagus! i had mee siam... it really reminds me of sg man... its cooked my singaporean too... but it is very very super duper spicy!~ n big portion too~ i cant finish it man... plus be4 tt i ate bread n choco cake le... but i still manage to finish half of it coz its really very nice. hehe...

n we nv fail to watch a movie be4 slp... watched skerk 3, it wasnt as gd as the previous ones i think... blade of glory... haha its kinda gay n funny show... n 1 litre of tears... it wasnt as gd as the series one... the movie cut alot of parts... doesnt really get into the feelings... haha... the series one can really make u cry...

suppose to start studying today... haiz... y???????? struggling inside myself... consiously my mind telling me to study... tts wat im here for... cannot disappoint anyone... esp myelf... i mus do well.. i noe i wun fail... but to get distinction or jus cerdit its a big different. subconsiously... i hav no mood n mode to study...haiz... jus hope time will pass by fast... n nx ting we are off to gold coast! wahaha... :)(:

2007-06-05T12:43:00.000+08:00

ok... enuff blogging abt silly tots of mine... i dun mean to make every entries sound so gloomy... jus tt i only blog abt my worst tots... ok...

im gg to hav my 1st paper in 6 days time... cant wait for exam to be over... its a torture to spend 2 weeks on studies... stayin at hm almost everyday... sit on my desk facing piles of lectures notes... each day tryin to digest it... but nth goes into my brain! waiting for the moments of stress to come... den i'll start memorising... some times wondering in my own tots again... haha... if only i can go causeway point to shop n destress... anw, sth other den studies... plans after exams!!!

i hav 3 weeks of holi... planning to go gold coast with them... ying n yenshan~ haha... backpackers~ haha... 3 gers only... its exciting to plan everything on our own... from booking of accomdation n flights to planning how to take public transport around. take bus to station, from station need to take bus to airport... blah blah blah... haha... we decided to camp at the bus loop at 5am! wahaha... this is crazy man... but im sure we will enjoy out of it... haha. oh... its winter time! thou tts no snow... but its getting cold at nite le... can blow 'smoke' it. haha. i need to plan the whole holi trip for my family when they r coming in dec! cant wait all this to happen man... there is so many tings i wan to do... other den studies of coz... i wanna go to sing! shoppin of coz n to explore ard Melbourne...

haiz... but as for now... i'm stuck in my room preparing to exams! i noe its nth.. everyone need to go thru exams wat... but haiz... i jus wan to grumble abt it... im worst at memorising!~ i cant rem slightly tings like what did i put my cup seconds ago or forget the things i wan to say when ppl cut my words etc... i might be spending alot of time 'studying' but really... i din save much in my brain...

in my life... i'm grateful to have a wonderful family... my parents who trusted me n allow me to do lots of tings tt other parents might not allow... we will still call each other once every week... my 2 bros... thou din talk to them much... but they r still cute n nasty. wahaha... n nicole!~ misses her snuffing sound outside my door... she always like to lie there... n whenever i stress or bored i can sanyang her or play with her... i can't ask for more from them... only ting i can do is study well here n get a degree, find n decent job... den i can support myself n help out in the family more... sorry tt i cant really study well as in getting distinction or hons.. but jus a normal degree to get me hopefully better job... tt will be another 'stress' when i get back to sg... finding suitable job or i should say a career... oh whatever.. haha...

n not forgetting ming ming la... haha... later he scold me y always nv mention him or only mention him at the very end... haha... nth much i can ask for more from him too... he is very sweet to me... n r part of my daily life... everyday we will keep in contact... be it sms, call or webcam... feels like sth is missing or not complete w/o u by my side now... u r the only one who can make me laff out happily n talk to freely n most of all... be my own self... sorry tt i dun do or say those mushy mushy things like wat u did... wahaha... but i hope u felt the feelings i have for u... hehe.

as for frens... its a one big question mark... duno how to put it in words... frens come n go... so i prefer to see them from far... treasure them in my own way... n apprear once in a while to see if they r doing well... :)(:

2007-05-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

i noe this is the pathway i choose... i will live with it de... no matter how hard it takes... i will live with it de... by myself... mb it is hard for others to understand... no matter how much i wish some1 could understand... i wun expect anyone to understand... so those who r not... dun pass any judgement on me... dun think u really noe me... dun even talk abt me... best ting to do is to leave me alone... thank u...

as for ming ming... sorry tt ive been this way... thx for listening to me when i really need it... :)

2007-05-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

finally got the time to blog... got prob signing in... but now its fine le...

alirght... always don't know how to begin with... these few days i've been thinking alot... talk and act strangely recently... the more i think and do the more i dun understand myself... have been thinking... wat will i be doing at this moment if i'm at singapore now... will i be happier? life here has been quite mono tone... i miss my family... when i got hm got nicole to play with... got my bros to talk to... watch tv tgt... can also argue n play with them... n my parents... prepare dinner for us... cut fruits once in a while... dad bring us out for dinner... its simple yet hard to appreciate be4 i came here... now i miss all that so much... u noe, life was so gd tt time passes so quickly... n im actually enjoying it w/o myself knowing... can express freely, whenever i feel bored or sad, i noe wat to do, where to go n who to turn to... but now... here is different...

i should enjoy my life differently here... which i tink i did... but mb not as enjoyable. always feeling tt something is missing... i duno how to express myself, some tots n feelings can't express freely... alot of tings i'm unsure of... duno whats my stand... some misunderstanding... slowly i'm feeling tt im losin myself... have been trying to find some time to do some self reflection... but i duno how to begin with... on the other hand... im worrying abt my studies... i have not been performing as well as i tot i could... from aiming high with confidence that someting can be done in this way... but it end up otherwise n lose motivation...

i'll get angry n frustrated with the slightest things... tt no one could even think of it... i cant express freely... always keep things to myself... i rather be alone... have been consiously reminding myself, console myself...

wat i wan to achieve in near future? after attending biomedical science career talk, i have tis strong tots... i dun wan to study further anymore!!! i mean after my degree. come to talk of it... a degree is jus a pea. some small n insignificant... cant do or get anything in biomedical science field. only can be 'successful' if i study highest with at least a hons or up to pHD... which is... impossible for me! hons is the hardest year to go thru... with degree i only left half of my life le... the tings im studying in now doesnt interests me... esp. my electives are fine... but core modules? sucks to the max! i tink becoz of tt... i lose hope in my studies le... plus results no as gd... im totally demoralized. after seeing others n tink back abt myself... im not as gd as i tot... im not as smart as i tot... in terms of academic i mean... i jus wan to enjoy life... do someting that i wan... someting that i will enjoy n make some money out of it... since i've come to far... i cant jus drop it... i hav to do it... whether i like it or not... i'll try to like it... i'll try to study it... i dun like to fail... no matter how hard it is i dun like to fail! when i say fail i dun mean i really fail but fail the expectation that i've hav set. i noe it is stupid to set unrealistic goals... tt is something tt i hard abt myself... i duno understand myself... i dun accept my weakness... i duno my strength... n worse of all... i hate myself for all these tots... i should have been strong, confident and gd... den all these wun be a prob anymore...

sorry tt i cant understand and listen to others... coz i myself dun understand myself... i got no more rooms to listen to others anymore. i dun mean to be selfish... i jus need room to sort of my own tots... i dun mean to be rude... i jus hate ppl to misunderstand me... jus take it as im a bad person... i cant be bother to explain things coz it will make things worse... i will rather be alone. i dun ask for anything... i dun seek for understanding anymore... coz i myself dun understand others anymore...

i knoe that things will get better if only i can overcome myself... n tts the ting im trying to do now... n it is the hardest thing to do rite now...

for those for bother to read all the things i've wrote... heres something not tt boring... i've just cut my hair! it cost my $20 aussie! n it jus a normal cut.. or i shuld say trim only... it was cut by a russian lady who claims that she has 23 years of experiences... but my fringe looks like shit... -_-|||

2007-04-25T16:55:00.000+08:00

ANZAC day... its university holiday... how gd is tt? but no... i got MCQ exam and IMM assignment due this friday. thou i've finished my IMM assignment but i exceed the word limit. i've started studying for it SLOWLY... really damn slow... tts total 17 lectures to study, i've done 4, another 2 this whole afternoon ONLY! still left with 11 more!!! how to finish by tml???? anxiety become overwhelming. start thinking useless stuffs like i shuld hav start during easter week holi, shuld study faster n not so slowly, not all the stuffs will be gg into my head anw. after tt come to console myself saying tt it holi, i shuld be enjoying my life, study is jus one part of life. nonetheless, i still so stubborn n go thru everything slowly, when exam is ard the corner, i den panic n start focusing more so tt i can finish alot of stuffs in a short period of time! it always happen!~ even i noe this will be the outcome! haiz... Y i'm so stress abt studies? y cant i jus relax? Y m i so contridicting? Y cant i focus even thou i'm stress???? Y Y Y? serious mental prob... arrghh... it all in my mind...

thx to the 'stress' n 'trying to focus but nth comes out' ... i went thru all the photos n letters n cards n songs n memories abt my whole life... simply looking back into the past... i realised alot of stuffs tt had happened in my life... all the ppl, friends n family... n ming ming of coz... all the photos... i really look at each in details n all the memories came into my mind... really felt as if i was back then, the tings we did... places we went... things tt u've said to me... etc... everything... n my family... the photos n my bday card they sent to me... every single words they wrote... my dad, mum n my 2 bros!~ they are so touching... how i wish my dog can write too? haha... i noe im lucky to hav them... but stupid me will not express it out by saying "I love u" etc... words dun mean anythin to me anymore... im not 'expressive' nonetheless, i still feel it deep down in my heart... but my facial expression, actions n words might not reflect how i really feel. its like it is only exist when im alone, subconciously but no matter wat... it is not a concious thingy anymore... subconciously i will bottom up things... until today... its kinda overwhelming... mixed feelings jus came up... happy, sad, touch, disappointment, content, eager, dissatisfaction etc etc... u noe at certain pt of time, everything tt is happening is expected, tt is it... life is like tt... u do this u get this, dun do tt u dun get this, so u mus do this... everything is planned n controlled... there is no surprises... no reward no nth... jus do things blindly. i dun understand myself anymore... not sure abt the things i felt... how ppl see me may not be the person i m inside me... in my mind i can jus tink on n on n on n on n on.. no conclusion, after every tots, im back to normal again... nth hav changed.

after pouring everything out, it jus an useless blog abt my tots tt is nth but tots. sorry dar... i noe i mus hav filled my mind with sch work n my life here... sorry for being not 'expressive'... but at some pt of time i still feel sth.. sth might but strong now but might not be as strong back then... my mind controls over my feelings inside n lots more tings tt i duno how to deal with... nonetheless im still the same ok? see ya later... haha... n worry abt my exam later...

y m i so confusing? how i wish there is 2 me, another one can see me from outside n tell the inside me wat i can do. something is missing...

2007-04-13T15:21:00.000+08:00

today the friday 13th... bad start of the day... woke up at 1.30pm... was watching 1 Litre of tears, very nice and touching show... EVERY episodes will make u cry i tell u... haha... coz time limit, i din finish it all, after episode 6th i browse thru the rest so tt i roughly noe wats the story abt n watched the last episode... damn sad la... haha... so tts the reason y i slept at 5am~ but tts not so bad at all... its the stupid man in the post office. damn him... feel like scoldin him. i sending sth home but i forgot my current address so was waiting for me frens to come... damn him la... say some sacrastic stuffs and almost wrote on my parcel to "CHINA"! stupid asshole! i told him it STATED THERE to SINGAPORE. damn him... make my blood boil!

cannot let the kind of ppl spoil my mood. phew... but its almost 6pm now n i hvnt start to do my assignments! i have 1)seminar essay 2)scientific paper critique 2)immnology assignment 3)lab logbook 4)immunology tutorial 5)core modules revision 6) human pathology assignment! some due 2 weeks after holi some mid may... i'll be so busy when sch re open! haiz~~~~~~~

oh oh... n i'm gg to learn driving here soon! been considering for it for so long. duno how can i convert it to sg licence but my main purpose is to get a driving licence!!!! damn sg traffic police dun pass me! but got 1 pro is i've been learning manual car... here i will learn autocar so in sg i might be gg for autocar licence but i've learnt manual ever since! is it a waste? haiz... anw i cant find a manual car to learn so jus stick to auto, easier to pass anw :) ya... trying to encourage myself... bleh!:p

oh, not forgetting to update my 'wonderful' easter week holiday in melbourne... 1st few days jus slack at hm... watched tones of movies!~ even TMNT~ haha... stay over at my fren's apartment, has been eating out alot~ krispy creme for donuts!~ koko black for chocolate indulgence!~ Chilli padi for hainanase chicken rice!~ (no so nice as sg thou) Changi village for fried kuay teow!~ (super duper spicy but nice!) and also ice cream!!! yeah... went to town twice this week. shoppin!~ bought some new tops 2 only actually... tts not enuff~ :( anw, i'm quite happy to bought 2 boots for $75~ the sign wrote ' BUY 1 GET 1 (50% off - in a smaller front) i tot is 1 for 1! who knows i already chosen 2 she say its 2nd pair 50% off! So... tts y i got 2 pairs in the end. haha... tts from factory outlet shop! haha end of the day chill out with my frens along yarra river? its near train station but cant really see the river thou... haha but we had lots of fun taking photos there... jus the 3 gers... taking photos like nobody busniess.. haha.. damn funny... rch hm around 10plus... called ming, my mum n joanne... haha, duno y i'm so happy tt i talked alot... really alot as compared with the usual me... oh well... mb coz my holi is ending soon? haha... by 1am plus i watched show til 5am... den i went to slp... haha...

stupid me... end up im still feeling tired n headache now... haiz... still no strength to do sch work! OMG... haiz... it sucks n sometimes fun to live here... oh well... i guess tts life... i have to live with it... anw at the end of the week its not tt bad... haha... hav to tidy up n prepare (mentally. haha!) for sch work le... update again! :)(:

2007-04-04T12:21:00.000+08:00

finally two of my tests and seminar are over! yeah~~~ i mean seminar conducted by me, with other team mates as well. im in holiday mood already~ haha... in sg gd friday like nth its only 1 day holi... BUT here... i got a week! coz of Easter week holiday! hehe.. i'm gg to shopping! i need clothes! warm and long sleeve clothes! its getting cold nowadays... its kinda difficult to study here... as in lots of stuffs from lectures, and assignments, debate and mini lab project! alot of due dates for assignments and i hvnt even started any~ but in some way it is easy as no distraction! tts nth much to do here... no tv... haha. but we have our own friday night movies! i misses karaoke! haiz... feel so restricted~ tink i will hunt for one this easter week~
my family coming over to find me this nov! with ming ming! i miss them alot! tts once, i was jus buying some groceries one nite n my mum called! it was an unexpected call, after which i felt so homesick out of sudden. i seldom tink of tt, duno y suddenly got such a strong feeling... anw... they are gg to attend my graduation~ hehe n my dad planning to go tas too. cant wait for all that to happen~ haha... but still gotta study for these few months, hope i can make it thru *cross finger* i'm aiming for distinction, which is 70% and above for 2 core and 2 electives. but LESS LIKELY to be doing honors. LESS LIKELY OK? haha... i jus wan to get it over n done with. after which come back sg n work! since i planning to stop at degree, as well aim for higher? BUT... tt will make me stress n i hvnt no confidence in doing it. anw, the worst will be a credit. which i heard from seniors it will be easy as they wun fail us in uni. So.... haha...
i actually felt quite tired now... was planning to take a nap but i jus finish my lunch~ dun dare to slp so soon coz i scare i will grow fat! haha... so my mind kinda blank now? haha...
i tink i will hav more to update after easter week! sch stuffs r jus boring! :)(:

2007-03-19T17:15:00.000+08:00

today is 19th mar 2007... time 8.16pm... mon... first day of the fourth week since school has started... today... dun feel like doing anything... blusting music in my own room... listening to music... until nothing is on my mind except the lyrics of the songs... dun wish to know what is happening outside... i only want to be alone... living and dreaming in my own world... i guess it has always been like that... din get in touch with the outside world... but only the world i want to know...

tomorrow is my bday... haha turning 20s le... think less and less people rem my bday le... and not mentioning celebrating... haha... decide to treat it as any other normal days... din expect anything except for the gifts that my parents and ming ming are sending me... looking fwd to it everyday... keep checking my mail box til my friends think i'm cazy doing so frequent... but i dun care... i am happy with the way i am... doing my own stuffs... have my own stuffs to look fwd too...

people tends say so much about themselves that they don't bother about others. ya, mb they will ask how about you, but ultimately they spend most of their time talking about themselves than listening to others... mb tts y i seldom involve in conversation... only when i really want it to or necessary to avoid embarrassment. so what do i do? bottom up! till i can't tahan and show signs of 'depression'. i'm not sure if it is that serious... but ya... esp. here... without my family and ming ming... i'm more likely to bottom up things... but think it in a good way... mb i can get better control of myself... or worse if i lose control... haha...

ming nx time u come find me we watch the stars together ok? here sky is dark enough to view alot alot alot of stars... hehe... i miss you...

2007-02-20T05:17:00.000+08:00

its my 8th day staying in Melbourne. so far so gd... still trying to settle in. first few days bought alot of stuffs, visiting supermart and shoppin centre almost everyday. to familarize with the places... the are 3 zones in Melbourne, im at zone 2, city is at zone 1. their tickets quite ex, more ex den sg... n the city... its quite small actually, can go every corner by walk, a long distance walk too... oh ya, n we had to get use to walking long distance here. haha... nearby my hse tt is no shops, every places hav to take a bus there.

n there is this shopping centre named chadstone, its very huge, i tink it is larger den vivo city!~ hahaha... here fashion is ard the same as sg... and some are quite cheap too!~ like from 5 to 15, 20 bucks for a top! haha, but hor, so far i see rite, the smallest size for shoes here is 6! duno how im gg to buy my shoes! oh ya, n the weather here keep changing, thou it is summer now. tis wkends was so damn sunny, it goes up to 34degree. can get sun tan jus by walking out. but within a day, it can be sunny and few min like drizzling! at nite will be cooling! haha... how cool is tt?

n tried the mac her too, nth special, jus the proportion, there is regular, medium for additon 50 cents and large 1 dollar. their regular like kids meal la... haha... and the mayonnaise cost 40 cents! haha...

we had fun in the first week, with our facilitator ard... who showed us how n where to travel in Melbourne, now we r on our own le... hehe... oh oh~ chinese new year... the first nite we cooked ourselves... we actually cook ourselves now and then... haha coz the food quite ex, at least 5 bucks~ anw, we used to cook pasta? coz it is the easiest food? haha... but CNY we cooked chinese food! we went to the 'chinatown' at clayton, a store named 'Hong Kong Supermart' selling everything!!! haha, poka green tea is rare here, i got 1 big bottle for $3! we finally got our kang kong there, ya.. we cooked sambal kang kong, Singapore curry chicken with potato and mash potato! haha... at nite we played Dai Dee too! hehe.. oh oh, n i got an ang bao from one of my RP fren's parents.. hehe

den today, the first day of our orientation, all of us r actually grouped tgt, coz we are the only yr 3 i guess, haha... so not much of mixing ard jus play treasure hunt to be more familar with the campus only... we had sandwiches, some pastries n stuffs for lunch.. n there are so many orange juices left~ each of us acutally took 1 two litre of orange juice!! haha... not jus tt, at nite we had trivia night, we r grouped tgt again, n were playing games, we cant get the ans rite... coz all abt australia stuffs like their movies and songs and tv shows... so embaressing la... haha anw, the good part is... there is free food to take away again! haha... we got 2 free pizza. haha i guess tt can be our breakfast and lunch for the pass few days... haha...

n its 10.30 now... nobody is online coz its only 7.30? tts so bored la... haha. tts y im tying this long long blog entry... haha... duno anyone can read tt.. but... ya... haha... n i'm doing my laundry now... it will take at least 1 and a half hr for our clothes to be done... how man fan la... haha, we were saying tt after we came back, our past time will be cooking... haha... typical housewives... haha!

i tink its time to stop... coz i hvnt bathe yet. haha... i'll update again! :)

2007-02-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

I fail my 1st TP test... haiz... everything went smoothly during revision and warm up lesson... BUT i fail my TP test... he gave me alot of demerit points... n he is so fierce~ rushing me to turn etc... once i made a mistake i scare... getting stress and nervous... more n more mistakes! haiz... i cant overcome the fear... it was too intense... anw the test only less for abt 30mins? oh ya... n he was late la! i was the only one left sitting at the waiting corner... nvm.. he came ask me go in car n warm up 1st.. ok.. but den.. i waited another 5 to 10mins inside the car! haiz...

tts nt the worse part... i need to renew my course for $84! because... the renew at $42 only last for 6 months... n i will only be back by dec.. tt will be another 6 months!~ not mentioning revision lessons fee and PDL!... ahaha its all money sia... hopefully when im back i can find a job and pay the fees myself... feeling so disappointed to fail the test... my SSDC instructor is very gd n kind... when i sms him my test route n give me tips as to wat to look out for... he said he had confidence in me.. but i dun hav.. n i fail.. haiz... but he is very very nice... will call n ask how im doing and gave encouraging words when i fail. hehe... grateful to hav him as my instructor. tink tts the only go ting abt SSDC. haha. n my dad... once got hm ask where is my liscence. haiz... disappointing!!!!!! Nvm.. anw... next yr... i will build my confidence again! jia you!!!!!!!!!!

5more days... haiz... hao she bu de ar... i dun wanna cry when ppl sending plane.. tts y i dun wan frens to come... but its alright.. hehe... 11mths only ma... very fast de.. i jus hope tt everything will remain the same... ming ming ar... u having exam now... busy studying.. no time to meet n go out etc.. but its ok... i'll find u whenever i can... jia you with ur exam... we will spend every single seconds tgt after ur exam!!! hehe... :)(:

2007-01-29T01:32:00.000+08:00

omg... i dun wanna say tis but... left 13days be4 i fly to aussie... its getting nearer... but i duno when is the time to fear... gosh... actually i shldnt fear... but... ... ... ...

got 2 tots:

first, fear of gg... coz duno wat will happen within tis 9mth... will everything stays the same? will i miss out anything? can i really bear to leave... will i do well there... can i cope with the studies... etc etc...

second, looking fwd to go oversea to study n live there for a period of time... experience the life there... go play n explore... see if we can maintain our relationship... see if everything will still be the same... i'll be more independant... etc etc...

guess its alittle bit of both...

the movie... happy birthday is very nice... story is very touching... it reminds me of my tots... can really feel the movie... felt so sad after tt...

no expectation no disappointment... tk tings slowly at a time... cant give promises... but everytime meets, the feeling is deeper... still waiting for the day... waiting for a day tt the feeling of insecure is gone... waiting for one day to have more confident, waiting for one day that im sure wat i'm doing is rite... waiting for one day that i'm able to have faith n belief again... waiting... for how long? i still not sure... but i'm sure not that day tt u die...

everything happened in life jus come n go... nth stays... only memories... i afraid too much tt i really cant do it... ppl can really walk in and out of my life, i cant tell who will stay, who will not, some stay for a while, some stay longer, but they will be gone for sure... i duno how n who to treasure, i cant treasure much for i afraid wat i treasure will be gone... so i may appear to be a boring person with no strong feelings but tts the way it is alright... come to tink of it, im quite preocupied by my thinking... ya... mb im selfish... i hope to be a better person too. i jus hope tt those who care will understand... understanding is very impt... n i tink tt part is missing... anw, deep in my heart i still cherish everyone... in the way tt i appreciated...

but everything i said is real... every actions and words... i noe u r understanding and wanting to be come stronger... i really appreciate everything that u do k... u r in my top list so dun jus walk out of my life kk... hehe... :)

alrite... can only write til here coz u called... hehe... rem ar... 6 packs hor! hehe...

2007-01-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

long time din blog le... i tink tis will be a short one be4 i slp... feeling damn tired... din finish study neuro... shall see how tml... time passes so fast... will be leaving in abt 3 weeks time... feeling excited and she bu de... thou i din say or show out... i miss alot of tings... very very she bu de... but cant... coz i will be gg... jus hope everything will remain the same when im back... very fast de... hehe... :)

2006-12-06T00:36:00.000+08:00

damn pissed at florina now! she gives me C!

Comments for Team:Whenever you need a break, ask for it. Learning needs a strategy to build strong attitude based on each person aptitude. Learning is a process that helps not only at school. We all learn how to have a break and how to create a pleasant and useful environment for everyone around, how to follow rules and regulations and how to be creative and to use our imagination to work and live better in society.

Comments for Individual:To apply your ideas you need time spent in class. Going out for a long break is time consuming and results are impaired. Learning needs motivation as you specified in the presentation done for today. Will be better next time.

ok... firstly, it was a toilet break... n i felt tt it wasnt long. mb it is as our floor only 3 cabin can be used, n we hav to go all the way down. n it wasnt wrong to go for toilet break, mb she tinks so becoz alot of us went away during 3rd meeting. plus the presentation is so dragging la... who can tahan thru out? giving ourselves toilet break aso cannot... as if one can really pay attention thru out la... sometimes we also self declare break in between 3rd meeting n continue... mb becoz we started late... some of them unable to complete slides on time den the rest kanna... n it jus so happen to ask my team to present 1st... she really hav some misunderstanding with us lor... felt so offended by her comments... jus becoz of tt small matter... n she only tk into account from only tt particular event... its so unfair! wat she wan la... jus cant get her... only those who 'appear' to be attentive n listening gets better impression from her la... mb i shuld 'act' too in class... but its so hard... esp. in her class! arrgghhh....~~~~~

damn damn damn~!!

2006-12-03T22:15:00.000+08:00

finally got sth out of my chest... at least the past still left sth worth treasuring... n suddenly i felt much alive n useful again... haha...

today woke up at 8am... study for abit... n online shop for abit too... haha... den get ready to meet fel at party world... finally got to sing with her... some of the songs tt we sang be4... wow.. tt was so long ago... haha. n some new songs of coz... tink my singing is deteriorating... anw... xueying sneak in after awhile.. haha.. well.. the ktv session was quite enjoyable... saw zm n his frenz outside toilet n in the lift too... wow... suddenly all wrss ppl met tgt... haha...

xueying went to pass her fren stuff den me n fel took 969 to katib... wait for her to 'open' shop n we sat there to eat nasi lomak n bubble tea... ya... the bubble tea really very nice... haha. n sitting there chit chat n catchin up with each other also quite enjoyable... maybe we shuld do it more often when we hav time yah? hehe...

n not forgetting ming ming la... who came down to meet me for awhile be4 he starts to study for his test tml... sit there talk cock n wait for my parents to come fetch me... haha... funny... wave to him thrice be4 my dad drive off to highway...

went to visit my grandpa... his health is deteriorating... the chances of recovery is very very low... all his main organs are malfunctioning... he needs the machine n high dose of medicine to maintain his life... it all starts with a hole in his stomach... which causing infections to his vital organs like heart, lungs n kidneys... it took jus 2days from difficulties in breathing at home to after operation lying semi consiously in surgery ICU ward... went in to see him with my mum n aunt n cousin... he was closing his eyes, duno whether is slping or resting... tryin to call him up by calling grandpa n said tt we were here to visit... heard my mum saying sth like get well soon n hope to bring u home in hokien... he managed to blind his eyes before opening... he cant focus with his 2 eyes.. they are not coodinating well... we do not know whether he hears or understand what we were saying... n worse... he cant express with those tubes in his mouth n his body is so weak... my aunt n cousin try to rch into the blanket for his hand... he was shivering... it was indeed cold in there but he's covered with blanket n those air bubble thingy to keep him warm... it was heartbreaking to see him like tt... thou i wasnt close to my grandpa but he is my grandpa after all... wats more... there are many other old people in other rooms... they are all with tubes n seems to be un or semi consious... each room hav its own stories... anw, i saw my aunt trying not to cry infront of my grandpa... she turned over n wipe off her tears. thou doc say he is not sure whenever he is consious but i felt tt he can feel own presence... his breathing n heart rate sightly inconsistent as if he was tryin to talk or crying... at tt moment... any human will feel sad for him... n there is no way to help him, to understand him or to know what he wants... OMG, i cant image if i am the one lying down there... choy... no so young i hope... life is really fragile, treasure what u hav now... really...

now my parents n relatives is gg to make a tough decision for my grandpa... whether to prolong his life as long as the doc could help with only aids from medicine n machines... not to mention the cost they hav to pay n the chances of surviving as well as the pain he has to go thru... or to let nature takes its course... luckily he has many children to support him... n my uncle n aunt r trying their best to fly back tml from HK... i hope they are able to make it on time... mean time their decision is to prolong his life until all his children get to tgt to see him n discuss further what to do nx

if i noe how to pray... i pray for my grandpa to feel peaceful... to be able to feel the love from his children n grandchilden... n he who choose when n how to leave this world... able to do so with no regrets in his life... n hopefully there is sth call heaven tt he can be with his wife...

i guess tts life... have to really tk care of our health... n to look after old people... discover any slight prob mus seek for doc advice... dun wait til too late... n most impt treasure what u have now... i treasure u guys... u noe who u all... anyone~ haha... :)(:

2006-12-02T02:03:00.000+08:00

tu ran gan chu heng duo, bu zhi gai zheng mo suo cai hao...

still feeling disappointed by things that shuld not hav bother me... but its ok... i gotta be strong at my thinking... :)

2006-11-30T08:32:00.000+08:00

i lost my favorite black topshop jacket... :~~(

hate myself for being so freaking careless... hai~

2006-11-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

its 11.26pm now... ive lots of work not yet done... jus wan to blog sth be4 i start... time jus flies... FYP report... hvnt even start writing in full sentance... just points to cover... min. 2000 words n 25 pages... its a draft report for my final year proj... mus be submited by wed... worst still... got 2 tests coming up... cell cycle adn structural bio... hvnt touch... wat have i done today? tot i plan today for study? ya... i woke up at 10am... start to write protocol and compile results for water activity... finished it by 12pm plus... feeling tt i've acomplish sth... tts gd... but i start to slack since then... look thru cleo mag again... start surfing for online shops... who knows its 4pm plus... quickly start my report... once i online... chat for a while... with my cousin n angie... she back.. tts fast... i'll be like her nx yr... studying at monash... but still keep in touch with bf... got tgt when back too... how sweet... asked abt how to do the report do... start to do the outline... basically jus cope n paste from the guildeline... see wat to include.. the flow etc... the most diff part is abstract n intro... decide to do it at the end... started off with materials and method... copy and paste for last report too... sound easy huh? but i spent hrs on it... n tts wat ive done only... rest of the time i was writing notes in point form as to what to be include... it jus the draft of the draft report... how stupid... i wan to do it gd but end up spendin lots of time on it... now i got no time to finish plus tests not yet study... haiz... its last sem de... jia you~

time really flies... its been mths tgt... starting to realise wat has been happening all this while... u r wat i predict in the very beginning... wan to start tings slowly for u were too confident... i noe tis day will come... i knew it but i still giv in unconsciously... for i din express.. but its inside me... now we hav got so far... hope we still hav the energy to carry on... its partly becoz of me... becoz of my thinking n feeling... im still not as strong as i hav been... i will protect myself in the way tt i tink is safe... i'll push everything away n start taking it slowly again... i dun wan to be disappointed... i dun wan to expect sth tt i will not get... words is so much easier to say den done... love is not abt words but feelings... for i will not expect anything no more... for i will not tink of any possibilities tt i tink so no more... for i will not compare the past and now no more... for i will not care no more... for i will not tink no more... for i will only focus on myself... tts all i hav after all... i cant rely on anyone no more... for it is easier to say den doing itself... tts jus my tinking... whether or not i can do it is another tings... i only hope for ur understanding... understand y i feel tis way... understand y i think tis way... understand wat i need... understand wat i dun need... understand every little thing of me even those tt i dun... is tis an expectation or wat... tts jus my tots... hav u understand it all? hav u even care abt it? i wonder...

2006-11-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

sat... woke up at 8.30am... preparin to go m'sia wif ming n xueni to meet jack... took 950... 1st time use the new system... no need chop passport one... scan the passport and tumbprint by ourselves can le... cool~ met jack that Mobil Mart... he drives us to his hse... while waiting for him to get ready... we exploring his hse n look at his dogs...

had dim sum for our breakfast!~ not really very nice but still can make it... i love the 'ha gao' ~!! after that went to play pool... can see alot of under age kids... the place was rather U LU but there are some places to hang out for sports like pools and soccer court... there were some boardgames n die etc... well, we played for abt 1 hr... went to eat xiao long bao~~~ not so nice too... haha.. shanghai's the bestz!~ cheap n delicous...~ its was raining.. so we hang out at his mum shop... it beautiful.. all the design n ambience... ming almost fell aslp there... haha... den went for movie~~! 'step up'... haha was a rather nice movie but i guess still not as gd as 'take the lead' anw it only cause us 8rm... tts cheap~ but the some of the seats sucks! din hav the seats... wahaha

went to city sq... din get to shop much... ming bought his shoes... i bought a tee at FOS... nth else to buy le... saw some tops and shoes... but not really the one i wan... saded... the main part was our dinner!~ jack saw ah mao at city sq.. so we went n meet at a kopitiam named someting 101.. haha.. we ate BBQ stuffs... like chicken wings, stingray!!!!!, 'lala'!!!!, kakong, squid's grandson (haha!) etc... it was rather nice... eat til super full~~ 5 person for 91rm... we smell of oily BBQ after we left for home... nv fail to eat full full at msia~ hahaha. guess there will be more as xueni had listed the food tt she is gg to eat nx time... hahaa... feeling tired now... fell aslp jus now... really really tirred... zZzZzzZZzzzzzZZZZzzzZZzzZZzZZZzZZzZzZzZ

2006-10-29T04:42:00.000+08:00

its 4.36am now. ya... still not slping... heres what i've done for the day:

mrn wake up at 11am... bathe n prepare to go out with my family. gotta spend time to blow dry n style me hair... the new daily contact lens giving me lots of trouble! its so soft n sticks to me finger more than to my eyes. n hard time getting it out man~ pinched my eyes ball a few times~ eeu~ anw, got myself dressed n head to heeren marchie... but it changed to other name. tts me, my 2 bros, dad, bday gal mum, my grandma n HK aunt who is gg back to HK tml!~ we order alot alot alot of food~ tts cod fish, pan fried dory, chicken, mashed potato, rosti, seafood combo, mushroom n shrimp soup, icecream n chocolate fondue!!!! super duper full man... can last til nite time~

after lunch, meet kim n anne at kbox. happy to hear their singing again.. familiar voices n singing... n i tink today my singing sucks~ no feeling, cant sing well... anw.. quite enjoy though... left eariler... btw, its cheap~ $10 on wkends for 3hrs!~

left at 6.40pm... head towards kallang... saw shu en n her boi boi~ haha so qiao we gg for the same concert n sat near each other... anw, i waited for my cousin at the bus stop, parked outside national stadium, walked to the indoor stadium. me n ming sat that the last row on the top! its free tic so cant complain much... too hungry went to buy hotdog with bun, guess wat? it cost $5 each! WTH, tts the most expensive hotdog bun i had la! we jus treat it as the price for coming to this concert... every singers great! live is powerful... esp. joey... oohhhh... haha... after which we n my cousins went for super at sembawang... eat, chit chat watch soccer match... my cousins send ming to meet mark n sent me hm!~ hm sweet hm~... its great to have such cousins n i hav 3 of them~ wahaha~ :)

another day has passed ... wat did i gain? alot... esp. today... i always wanting to have sth more than wat i hav been gg thru everyday... today is slightly abit more... more tots...

actually nth chance much though... still like the same things... singing, gg to beach, sunrise, little prince... sth so familiar n once did tgt too... but tings changed... still likes the same things... jus tt with diff ppl... jus be content tt they r happy with sum1 n we once shared tt be4 too... well.. its always easier to say... haha...

things changed... hard to differentiate what keeps the same n wat has alreadi changed. no assurence, no true talk... jus normal... n wat is normal? words tt doesnt goes with actions. jus let it be... n wish all the best

has always been there... nv noe how gd it is until now den i realise... im grateful... will try to cherish it... though nv say it out... but i hope is there... time will tell...

has always been gd too me... too gd til i duno wat to do... i duno how to cherish as much as u do... probably dun dare... jus hope for ur understanding... dun expect more from me... i cant giv as much... for i will not let u down... plz be patient with me... time will tell...

my life is like a puzzle... pieces every where... duno where they belong... its here n there... sth tt i hav to sort out myself... n its hard when there are in pieces... its different from the start... i duno how to go abt making it better... may not be as strong... but i will try... m i trying hard enough? or i tired too hard? i cant see the line... things still unclear... everyday i may hav diff tots... still choosing which is the best before settling down... some times still wish for a guardian angel... mb tt will make me feel better... it may be unreal.. but it is comforting ... at least at some pt of time... :)(:

2006-10-09T15:31:00.000+08:00

fri - Florina lesson... me, yingying, yun jing, yen shan, sewlyn, adrian, alvin... 7 of us draw numbers to buy TOTO~ haha 1st prize 5million! funny... haha...

after lesson, went hm... waiting for ming... came my hse... watch tv n slack n bit... went to prepare to go out... he sent me to JE... walked to yingying's hse. had dinner under her blk in a park... surrounded by laterns... 9.30pm... went upstairs to check for TOTO results. haha... too bad... only 1 or 2 match... after tt play majiong... 11pm plus... went to halo bar... its at NP... located near ngee ann alumni... we sat outside... drank 1 small bottle and a share a jug with 4 person... haha... drank til face n neck red red... played dice, mulitples of 7 and 'cai quan'... it was funny n enjoyed very much... went indoor... ktv~ haha... listening to ppl singing, see them cai quan... n waiting for our songs~ haha... funny... we were luff all the way... n we took photos too~

Sat - at nite play candle with my bro, ming n nicole~ haha... no ones playing other us~ n the PSI was so high... it was 150! lucky we din contribute to the environment... haha... after playing was like 12.30 plus le.. ming cycle hm... haha.. jus den he saw Nr2... wahaha...

jus finish chatting with angie... after abt 1 hr of intensive QnA... got to ask alot of stuffs abt Monash... haha oh well... gotta study for me 1st UT lor~ :)(:

2006-10-06T01:46:00.000+08:00

feeling much better recently... happier i guess.. but not totally contented... guess i really hav to learn to forgive n forget... to be more independent n not relying on ppl much... no expectation, no disappointment... easier to say den done...

today quite a fruitful day... hope my participation hav been noted by the fac... i din get A from her be4! n its so hard to understand n communicate with her la... plz plz... haha...

after sch went to lab for awhile to do FYP as usual.. tempering chocolates... left at 5.30pm... rushed to meet ming at wlds statn... very rush... go draw money n buy mac for dinner for my family... 5 filet o fish! haha... rch hm 6.15pm... faster rush to bathe... chop chop change n make up abit... within 20 min we went off to pick my bro at his sch... rch haborfront... a new shoppin' centre call vivo city... another big n huge shoppin' centre~ yeah~~~ haha went to GV... its not open yet.. even the shops... but it'll be ready by sat... so today only open to those who contribute to the building... my dad is one of them.. haha so... we got free tickets~ with free cheesy hotdog, popcorn n drinks each!!!! watched 'Rob B hood'. haha funny n quite a great show i suppose... the baby is so damn cute la!~ anw, the cinema is very big n spacious... got enuff space in front each sit for ppl to go in n out easily...

after the shop we went to walk ard the rest of the cinema... tts a place called gold class... its like a 1st class theatre room... its a smaller room but the seats ar... very comfortable... can be straighten... like the one in the plane... haha... gd exploration...

went to my dad office for a while... slack there... wait til my dad finish his work... after which we went to lavendar food centre n eat the yun ton mee... very nice~ n very full~! enjoyed gg out with my family esp when ming is ard... very tired... in car can rest my head at his shoulder... hehe...

time passes so fast... things hav changed abit here n there... but i hope u'll be the same... for at least rem the u tt i 1st met...

mooncake festival is here very soon~ will be gg to my grandpa hse n after tt ying's... mb be gg out with poly frenz... still not cfm... if nt den i'll go find u... hehe... i noe u'll be enjoyin with ur frenz... i aso wan to find my own 'happiness'... u ar... everyday hang out so late... slp so late n wake up so late~ u r a student after all leh... hope u really noe wat u r doin... dun tired up urself n hope u r doin well in sch.. dun wan to control u... dun wan to nag u... coz i noe no matter wat i say u will still do the tings u do... oh well.. dun care u lor... den wun tink so much for u leh.. hehe.. tk care of urself ba silly... :)(:

2006-10-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

totally disappointed.

"It takes years to build up trust in a relationship, and only a few seconds to destroy it"

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy"

"Those you trust the most can steal the most"

wait... tts more...

"The best proof of love is trust"

"Without trust there is nothing"

"When mistrust comes in, love goes out"

get the point?

2006-09-22T13:59:00.000+08:00

jus be4 my sch reopens...

went nite cycling with ming ming... initially im very sian coz sch reopens... plus the my bike's sit dad adjusted be4... i cant rch the floor! cycle to 888 for adjustment... denn head towards admiratly statn... den sembawang statn... den cycle thru long n wu lu road... jus be4 rchin ming's hse, turn left to a long running track to sembawang park! haha... the road was muddy... feeling sticky... n butt was in pain!~ haha... finially rch the spot n sat down... but after a while we cycle to ming's hse... rest for a while n continue with our journey.. haha... head towards Gambus... nearly kanna knock by a taxi at the filter lane... ming damn hot~! haha... long run ahead too... half way is up slope... but another half is down slope~ weepee~~ haha... cool man... the weather damn cold n siok la! haha... still not yet rch wor... cycle thru a long road again to my hse... haha... singing n shouting away... enjoyed alot... :)(:

jus 1 day be4 ssch reopens...

went to the cathay with ming... got the 1st stamp when we buy the NUM party tickets... another stamp from ya ku coffee shop... last stamp from cathay cineplex... bought 2 M&Ns for $4.40! but gave us only 1 receipt... end up ming bought ricola sweet for $2.80 jus to get another receipt. but after all those... we got our free tickets~ hehe... went to watch The Banquet... wat a 'artistic' show... alot of killing too... in the end duno wat kill her.. haha still cant figure out... after tt finally bought my ZARA top... hehe... after which we went to lucky plaza to eat the fish bee hoon n went hm... hehe...

1st day of sch...

fiorana again~ n tml too~ sian... very sian ar!!!!!!!!! i dun understand her, cant communicate with her n cannot get gd grades from her! shit... got to shrew up my last sem le! lesson really boring n nth interesting... i din talk in class~ how can? my results how? haiz.... furthermore... jing jie opting out from monash~ less 1 roommate~ n erah they all aso reconsidering... suddenly lost my direction too... duno if i shuld continue... alot of qns in mind... ad dip fees, 2 study days if i opt out ad dip, monash sch fee, other Aust uni, other course like veterinary... OMG.... confuse confuse... i'll tink abt it during week ends... after sch quickly eat with ying, alvin n michelle... went home to finish my RJ n prepare to meet ming n frenz to Zouk!!! haha... my 1st clubbing experience... initally... nth to do... only sit there, look at ppl ard, listening to them talking cock... waiting for the NUM fashion show to start... alot of gays~~~ from the way they talk, walk, dance n look at guys. haha... n i saw some1 very familliar... haha. after which is dancing! everyone is so high after lambogini n others alcholic drinks... dance like no body care... shout, moves n watever there is... at 1st i cant get into the mood... but see them like tt i aso cannot make them sian... but after a while i tk a break away from everything... volka lime is nice n drank beer... went alot of toilet. up to 6 to 8 times i tink~ haha... after it continue... there is alot of 'shows' to watch... how ppl dance, boi ger, boi boi... crazy moves as well as........... at ard 3 plus dey felt sian abt the music n no crowd means no gers... haha so we took cab to chong bang nasi lomak~ eat, listen to them chatting n vomitting... took cab to ming's hse... haha lucky he got sis... got my makeup removed, tk out contact lens, got extra mattress, tee shirt n short to wear... haha... slept for a while den... vomm~ 10am plus le.. he gotta go to sch... raining damn heavy... be4 went down umbrella very wet le.. n the water pipe is blusting! haha... tk 965 to wlds... went to toilet n bye bye... he went to sch i walk hm... n now... waiting for xueni... meeting her to buy her fren's bday present....

time passes so o o o o fast... i got no mood to study sia... 1st day is a disastrous... pon 2nd day... haha... i tink is becoz of the fac... n its last sem... n its 5 days instead of 2!!! haiz... will tink abt it tml... today enjoy my day n rest well... :)(: