mon: went to JB with my family... went to city square.. there aso got sale! bought quite a lot of stuffs... 2 pants~ 1 top and 1 converse shoes~ great bargain there. hehe... bought lots of dvds too... hehe...
tue: tidy up my room... went to watch 'the bench warmers'... quite a nice show... heart warming and funny... haha... meet sauming after his sch... went to eat at his hse. wanted to watch 'the wild' but no com or tv to watch... in the end watched the 9pm show... hehe... den sth happen... only u noe. the whole journey back hm was quiet n tired... tried to talk tings out but couldnt be solved. u need to time to cool down so i kept quiet... but din realise u were tinking too many tings until u told me while walkin back... it scares me when i saw ur lost n hopeless face... tired my best to cheer u up... wat happened jus now doesnt matter le... all de tings tt matters is to cool u down n make u feel ease... actually i duno wat to say or do, i jus sounded like everything is ok... everything is fine... nth to worry abt... try to smile n be normal... i can choose to dig tings out frm u by asking why r u feeling this way? wat r u tinking? etc... but i did not coz tt will make u feel more stress up... i choose to let u be urself jus hope tt u alone will not tink too much. and i aso noe tt u will be fine when u meeting frenz later... though im quite sad coz i cant be de one to make u feel better, but its ok... so long u do feel comfortable... im fine with it...
u noe... every time i had tis feelings or tots... is that both of us hav different approach or seeing things in relationship... u... can give everything tt u have... willingly to do things for me... needs me n cant dun hav me... as for me... u shuld noe in the very beginning tt i might not be able to give or love as much as u or as much as i used to... i dun expect much too coz i'm too scare of disappointment, not only the disapointment tt u will give me but me to u too... it is not tt i dun trust u but things can really changed. i experienced it once n i really hav it as my foible i hope u really understand it. it might be a very wrong time to begin a new relationship n i told u it will be hard to go thru... like it is now... i hope u r still able to bear with it n hope it is not a very big pro in tis relationship as it affect u... sometimes i tink that i shuld not hav started it as i noe i cant give as much... n its like not fair for u... some times i scare tt tings r really hard on u... but i noe i will not give up once i started it... for this... i need u to be strong.... to understand me n put thru tgt til i can really gave me heart to u too. r able to do it? r u really ready to tk it? will u be happy? if u understand i hope u wun force me... thou u may not do it directly but mb unintentionally... once i felt forced i will tink abt the above qns which i've tired my best not to...
as for my past... it has always been hunting me.. if not i wun be having all these foible... there is still things tt reminds me abt the past... be it a song, the tings that hav done, places etc... if u choose to be with who i am now i hope u understand n be strong to put it thru with me... with all the memories with u is slowly covering up all de past... i still need time ok... i still need time to forget everyting totally... now i really need ur understand... evertime u said abt how u dislike him... wish u can see him in de gym n say or do those nasty tings... (noe u jus saying doesnt really mean to do it) but... wat abt me? i had more hatre den u... but wat can i do... nth... so everytime u mention abt him in front of me think abt how i feel. i noe it shuldnt be a pro coz by rite i shuld be fine when i heard those things.
as for now... i need a break some times... some times i jus dun wanna feel forced or pressured. tts y i felt pek cek sometimes. plz dun blame me if i did not do as much the tings tt ive done initially or did not keep up to the tings tt u hav done for me... i might not rely on u as much as u relied on me... u too mus learnt to be strong when alone ok? dun jus depend on my to giv u de hope, u can give urself more confident too...
sorry... 3 mths le i'm still like tt... i still cant promise wat future may be... guess no one can actually n i still did not hav tt confidence yet. all i can say i'm with u now n work hard for the better. and i wanna let u noe i really worked hard on it. i've been to ur hse couple of times n my family quite like u le... we even gg to genting tgt le! dar... jus giv me some time... my own space... n spare me understanding... dun make me feel forced or pressured i will be as fine as gd le... i hope tis is not a very difficult request... guess tts all i ask of u...
if there is anything i can do or need to understand from ur part let me noe too... den we solve tgt k... :)(:
wish upon a star atWednesday, June 07, 2006.Wednesday, June 07, 2006